


Sunset Lovers

by LegendaryDork



Series: I like it here, beside you dear [1]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, Not Beta Read, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:07:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 24,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24698821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LegendaryDork/pseuds/LegendaryDork
Summary: After winning the war against Prime, Catra and Adora have a lot of catching up to do.But some wounds are still fresh in the girls’ minds, and treating them can be hurtful at times. When Catra learns about Angella’s fate, she can’t help but run away once again. Is this going to be a pattern between Catra and Adora, playing cat and mouse? How will Catra handle the consequences of her past actions?
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Series: I like it here, beside you dear [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1882774
Comments: 118
Kudos: 416





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I rose from the dead to write about She-Ra and I regret nothing.
> 
> English is not my first language so I hope the story will be pleasing to read

“Ah, Catra you’re here!” Perfuma half-yelled, with that characteristic Princess smile, full of hope and happiness. Catra stood up from the rock she was sitting on. Plumeria was a tricky kingdom, full of roots and vines here and there, and Adora _definitely_ would step on those and fall, but Catra was smarter, faster at spotting the danger and more agile than her girlfriend. _That’s what they were, right? Girlfriends –_ “…Catra? Are you experiencing a flashback right now?” the princess asked, shifting from happiness to worry within a second.

“What? No. I was surprised by how strong your kingdom smells. Peonies everywhere...”

“...They’re marigolds, Catra”

“Ugh, whatever. They’re flowers, they stink and I hate them. Can we just get this over with?” Catra crossed her arms, feigning an annoyed face, starting to walk beside Perfuma.

The blonde girl ignored the slight mood swing, and started saying “Of course, today we’ll have our session by the Heart-Blossom, the center of our kingdom.”

Catra had started guided meditation to _work through her abandonment issues and negativity_ as Perfuma teased her what feels like months ago. It wasn’t an easy task, being focused on the moment and just have an open-hearted conversation. But she was willing to try. That was the least she could do, after all that happened.

All the pain she caused.

Catra tried to swallow the painful lump in her throat, curling her hands into fists.

“Okay, sit down as I do, and pinch your fingers. Don’t close your eyes just yet, I can feel your energy is full of anxiety.” Perfuma lowered her voice. “Okay, deep breath in...” Catra tried “it doesn’t have to be long, just let the air go through your lungs.” Catra frowned. How come she wasn’t _even able to do that?!_ “Practice makes it better so be gentle to yourself. You’re just starting a new journey and it’s one that takes years.”

The feline girl did as she was told. Breathing, tensing different parts of her body, relaxing her muscles, describing what she noticed around her. The sun gently warming her fur, the gentle breeze playing with the tree leaves, responding to the echoes of the nearby river. Perfuma’s controlled breathing. She could almost hear her smile and feel her gaze directed at Catra’s hair.

“How are you feeling right now?” The princess asked, almost in a rumble. “Can you describe it?”

“I feel… Nice. Your kingdom stinks but it _is_ peaceful.”

“I’m so glad to hear that, Catra. I’m taking it as a positive thing.” The cat smiled. It was, somehow. A whole bouquet of nettles, if she were to make gardening metaphors. “Okay, now that I know you can feel positive emotions, what’s one negative thing that bothers you? You look like you could use a nap.”

_Maybe this has to do with her being thrown into a basin_ _full of green brainwashing liquid,_ she wanted to retort. Or with Prime’s smirk as she felt her lungs burning as the liquid half-drowned her. Or the metallic taste on her tongue, cuts opened here and there, the tension she felt as the blood tried to break through her skin, or the terrible crack of her bones as she felt herself crashing on the ship even though she was pleading – _begging_ – Prime not to do it.

Catra bit her lips with worry, secretly glad Perfuma wasn’t pushing it. “I’m stuck back there.”

A patient whisper. “Stuck where?”

“On the ship.” Catra held her head, scratching her scalp to help her focus on anything but the things she was still experiencing. “I close my eyes and I can feel I’m drowning. I hear… I feel… He…” she never finished her sentence, broke in tears before she could even try. Perfuma offered her hand as support, letting Catra choose between taking it or not.

She hid her face in her knees instead, tail curled around her protectively. They stayed like that for seconds, or minutes, the furred woman wasn’t sure. The princess finally broke the silence. “You probably feel overwhelmed but it’s completely normal. What happened to you shouldn’t happen to anyone. This was a traumatic experience, and trauma is part of life. But when you live it again and again, it’s because it’s so overwhelming that your spirit can’t process it. It tries to integrate the message, but the emotions act like parasites on it.”

“Then help me get rid of it!” Catra growled.

“Oh, Catra… You’re the only one who’s able to do it. I can only be by your side and be the gentle voice here, and help you hate yourself a little less than you already do. But I can’t make miracles.”

The cat’s tail moved up and down at a fast pace, getting impatient with all the mysteries and weird talks. Catra was a woman of action, she knew words wouldn’t do anything useful. “ _Fine_ ,” she started, “Can you help me with that?” she sighed. “Please?”

Perfuma nodded, a stupid grin on her face.

***  
  
Adora was busy helping Glimmer and Bow set next battle’s plan: with maps scribbled, small figures dusted and ready to use, and today’s strategy in mind, she was ready for her next mission. The blonde girl inhaled, focused on Bow’s… eyes directed at Glimmer’s. Smiling at each other. Adora cleared her throat, the Best Friend Squad (minus their latest recruit) getting back to planning the mission. “Glimmer, I’ll let you handle this area of the castle, Bow I’ll let you in charge of collecting as many resources as you can. I’ll handle the monster. All clear?”

Glimmer and Bow repressed a giggle. The queen cracked a smile. “Adora, we're just moving Catra's bed to your room as you both asked. There’s no need for a battle plan.”

Bow squeezed Adora’s shoulder. “But I love Catra’s new figure. It’s just so cute!” he said, with stars in his eyes.

Adora chose to laugh with them, instead of getting frustrated. They were right after all. And everything would be okay.

_Right?_

Etheria had won the war against Prime a week ago, and they barely had time to breathe since then. All the princesses were going back to their kingdom, will be busy taking care of the mess left by Horde _pain-in-the-ass_ Prime and rehoming their people.

This war had devastating effects on everything. _And everyone_ , Adora thought. Before she could frown, she felt a gentle headbutt on her leg. _Melog_ , she smiled, and petting her girlfriend’s alien companion. Because that’s what they were. _Girlfriends, right?_ They didn’t take the time to discuss the topic yet. The day of the final battle was followed by a night of festivities, the day after everyone was too tired to think about getting out of bed, the following day was the departure of the princesses. And Catra had left with Perfuma for what Adora understood as a healing process. She’d be back in a few hours by now, and even if Glimmer offered to teleport her for the way back, Catra had insisted to walk back to Bright Moon. Adora guessed she needed time for herself, and that was the least Adora could give her. But they would need to have this conversation at some point. _When she’s ready_. Taking care of Catra – as she’s always done – would be the most important mission for now.

The road trip to bring back magic to the universe wasn’t an option before everyone was fully rested and could enjoy a few weeks of peace, something none of the young ones had experienced so far. Adora remembers talking about it with Netossa, how it sounded exciting but how scary it was to be in a situation none of them had experienced before. The squad and the younger princesses were always on guard, expecting a horde soldier here, a robot there, and waiting for the moment they’d see one of the clones go crazy and try to rebuild Prime’s empire. But none of that ever happened so far, and somehow this numbness, this exhaustion was worse.

Because that left Adora with her own thoughts, with the tricks her mind was putting, with the emotions she kept pushing and pushing away – until now. They were coming back in full force, and if Adora and She-Ra were used to take a physical hit in the face, a heartache was something else. And Adora preferred ten times the physical pain, because this one was visible, even if it was for a short moment before she healed. With the heartache, Adora felt like she was crazy and had invented it all. And she hated this sensation.

Melog’s soft purr extracted her from her thoughts for now, and she stayed silent for a while. She only noticed by then that Glimmer and Bow had left and that the sun was setting. _Catra will probably be here very soon_. She should take a shower so time flies easier, or maybe she could read instead. She went on petting Melog absentmindedly, until the alien cat bit her gently. Adora’s eyes widened, looking at the purple cat. “Ow, what was that for?”

Melog meowed in return. Adora would have to either wait for a translation or try to guess what that meant. She shrugged, thinking it probably was to bring her back to reality. To focus on the present. Melog headbutted Adora, pushing her to the front door. Their mood shifted from calm to excited and started running in the boardroom, meowing and chasing after magic will o’ the-wisps.

_Guess that’s zoomies time._ Catra used to have those as well, but it was so incredibly rare since everything that happened. Catra had built walls of annoyance and anger around her sensitive heart.

She recognized the light footsteps behind the door – what Melog was actually excited about. Adora beamed with relief. She still wasn’t used to seeing the girl she loved so close again. “Catra, you’re back!”

“Hey, Adora” she heard as the door was opening.

***  
  
Catra greeted Adora with a tight hug. She still wasn’t used to seeing the tall blonde so stupidly gentle towards her. Catra wasn’t sure she deserved it, but her Adora was always so ready to forgive her.

She’d prove she’s worth Adora’s trust.

Catra didn’t know how yet, nor believed it would be a one-day life-changing trip in space that would do it, but she was determined to do better. To be better. For Adora’s sake.

Catra bumped her forehead gently on Adora’s. She closed her eyes, inhaling Adora’s scent – a sweet and salty mix of honey and freshly cut grass, mud, and sweat. This dummy probably trained for hours, she thought, purring anyway. “Thought you’d take time to shower at least”, she teased.

“Says the one who decided to walk for hours in the forest in the middle of a summer’s day” Adora retorted with the same light tone. Catra felt Adora’s hand on her cheek, and the contact between the two made her blush. Her body was screaming, begging to kiss Adora, pulling into a magnetic attraction towards the muscular girl, and she really, really wanted to, so she tightened the gap between the two, preparing a sarcastic line just in case she was rejected, letting Adora take the first step.

Catra’s heart was racing, and it was a nice change that it wasn’t so much because of fear, for once.

***  
  
_I’ve been wanting this for so long,_ Adora thought. And just like that, she pulled Catra closer for a long embrace, brushing Catra’s lips with hers, holding her cheeks, and finally, _finally_ , planted a gentle kiss on Catra’s lips. Adora didn’t know how long it lasted, but she got drunk on the sensation of Catra’s response, feeling her claws scratching her back – not as hurtful as it could have been in the past, but a manner to hold her tight and close, and Adora couldn’t deny that she liked it, just a little bit.

The two had so much to talk about, she didn’t even know what to start with. So she started with a light topic. They’d have time to have deeper conversations later. So Adora asked, “How was the session?”

“T’was… Okay, I guess?” Catra shrugged, putting her hand where Prime’s chip used to be. She was always doing that when she was nervous now. “I had to talk about, you know, dumb stuff like how I was feeling and describe what was around me and if I still had nightmares.”

“Are you healed now?”

Catra scoffed in a bittersweet way. “I wish it would be that easy. Perfuma said it would take months for me to be able to just be okay with what happened. Not feeling good or less angry at the world, but just okay.”

Adora heard Catra sigh. “You know, the right thing isn’t always the easiest.”

“Tell me about it.” Catra answered with a frown, crossing her arms, her tail betraying her annoyance. Adora knew she needed time to process it all.

They all would.

She squeezed Catra’s shoulder with an encouraging smile. “But you keep trying, and that’s what matters to me. It doesn’t have to be perfect and I’m not expecting you to be okay right away. Take your time, I can wait for you.” This seemed to be the wrong thing to say because Catra shut down even more at this. “I’m proud of you Catra. Promise.”

The cat’s ears lowered, just as her face did. A pang of sadness on it. Melog meowed and bit Catra’s hand lightly.

_What should I do?_ Adora asked herself. She knew how to fight the Horde, how to make battle plans, how to sneak in the kitchens of Bright Moon to get all the food she wanted to, but she didn’t know how to help people deal with their emotions. She knew how to punch, not how to comfort. _Bow_ was the one good at that. So, as usual, when she didn’t want to face an uncomfortable situation, she dodged the topic. “Race you to the gardens?”

Catra’s eyes widened at the challenge and started running, Melog happily following. Adora followed them, trying to win the race.

***

The tension lessened as the two girls sprinted in Bright Moon’s castle to reach the gardens. Running away from hurtful conversations, evacuating the anxiety in the short term, they found themselves at their target location after a few minutes. The three of them lied down in the grass, breathless, looking at the sky getting full of stars as the sun was setting more and more. It would be night soon, and they probably should have to show up for dinner with Glimmer and Bow, but neither of them seemed to be in the mood to face anyone right now.

Catra cleared her throat. “Adora?”

“Mh?”

 _It’s hard keeping your heart open. It makes you vulnerable. But it doesn’t make you weak, and I have to believe it’s worth it_ Catra remembered. “You ever feel like you don’t belong anywhere?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean we both know I shouldn’t make out with you in Bright Moon. I like it, but…” Catra’s throat tightened, a knot forming, trying to strangle her. Adora’s hand fell in hers.

“As long as you keep trying, people will notice it, and we believe in second chances here in Bright Moon.” A kiss on Catra’s hand. “I believe you can do better, because I know you babe and–”

Both girls gasped. Adora, flustered, tried to justify the pet name, but all Catra could do was smile fondly. She liked the ring of it, especially when _Adora_ of all people would call her _babe_. The tall blonde cupped her face with her hands, ashamed at how she let herself be fooled by her emotions so easily she’d just let the name slide. Catra kissed Adora’s cheek, “Maybe I don’t belong in the castle, but I know I feel safe around you… _P_ _rincess_ ” she added with a smirk.

***

The girls still had a lot to talk about, but it could wait a little longer. Watching the sunset together was nice, reminded them of the old days in the Horde, when they could just be kids and enjoy each other’s company, watching the sky changing its colors from blue to pink and yellow and orange and then get all dark. These few minutes of peace were their escape back then, and they would just take a break from everything. Watching the sunset in Bright Moon, now that everything was over, brought a few welcomed changes: now Catra and Adora could hold hands during their few minutes of peace, they didn’t hear machines and the repetitive bong of the hammers anymore but magical creatures singing to each other, feel the grass under their feet, and the addition of magic flying entities made it even easier to relax.

This was their moment of peace. Adora rested her head on Catra’s shoulders, and she felt the cat’s hand on her waist. Both sat in a comfortable silence, watching the stars appearing one by one.

Adora braced herself, feeling the same electricity in her shoulders as she was before any battle, and kissed Catra gently. The kiss was returned, gentle but firm, unspoken words exchanged as their lips met and danced together.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No beta reader we die like men*
> 
> (*curled up on the floor, crying and hoping our baes would kiss it better)

A few days later, on the occasion of a dinner with Glimmer and Bow in Bright Moon, Catra learned about what happened to the tall winged woman, Angella. She couldn’t hide the guilt on her face, and as always when she felt vulnerable she did what she always does best, fight or flight. Angella had decided to stay in-between dimensions when Catra pulled the trigger back in the Horde. Catra’s first thought was _well she did it, it’s on her._

But Angella didn’t pull the lever.

Actually, Angella had saved Adora from _once again_ sacrificing herself and saved Etheria in the process. Saved everyone. _Even_ _her, of all people, the girl who pulled the switch of this stupid portal_. The bad guys were saved, too.

And that was the problem. So Catra did what she always does best and ran away, escaping in the woods, hidden by Melog silently running beside her.

No one could see she was crying, or scratching her arms to focus her physical pain anywhere but in the lump of her throat, anywhere but her guts knotted with guilt and remorse, or the sharp pain inflicted by all these memories vigorously slapping back at her in full force.

Yes, ripping and sinking her claws in her arms was Catra’s way to displace the pain somewhere she could see it. It was dark outside, and it was getting cold somehow but she didn’t care. She could still see the obstacles on her way.

And Catra really didn’t want to face anyone right now.

***  
  
Adora _had_ to see it coming. Catra was a runner, she knew it. When the wild cat doesn’t hiss at you, it – _she_ – runs away in hopes to escape being hurt. She sighed, pinching her nose bridge with her fingers, squeezing her eyes shut. Adora knew this would be a long night.

She heard the voices of Bow and Glimmer, talking about giving Catra some space, and other cheer-ups she didn’t really listen to. All she could notice was that Catra was gone, and she knew her girlfriend – _could they call each other like that?_ _They still avoided the topic by fear of ruining the mood_ – was going to be out for the night.

And Adora would be left alone in a room too big for her, with a useless fountain and a bath, and her bed would be too big and too cold without Catra.

Again.

-

Adora’s steps felt heavy as she walked the corridors to her room. It was night already, and the weather and getting chilly. Not a sharp cold, not too warm either, but cold enough to complain about having to get out of bed in the mornings. But right now, it wasn’t the cold Adora was feeling.

It was that old, familiar, unwelcome numbness she’d met the first night she slept in Bright Moon. The exhausting feeling of being observed even if she _knew_ there was nobody but her in this room.

She was alone, and her mind knew it. Her brain, on the other hand… Her mind – that _stupid_ mind – kept her alarm. She could hear the Fright Zone’s steam machines, the hurried marches of a squadron heading back from the battlefields to the infirmary, she could feel Shadow Weaver’s cold, calloused hand on her cheek if she ever closed her eyes.

The smell of death on the battlefields. The heavy, metallic scent of blood on her clothes, countless times. The sticky sensation of the warm and thick red liquid on her skin. The loud booms of the Horde’s barrels, in the back of her head.

The people she’s lost with years passing.

She never asked for this.

Adora kicked her shoes off and sat on her bed, tightened her grips around her knees, hugging herself and half-hiding her face. Catra usually was the one who understood how she felt about the flashes, and as if the scene she hated happened again and again, not giving her a single moment of peace.

And Catra had left her again, because she was _always_ putting herself first, not understanding how Adora could feel all this time.

The blonde girl tried to ignore the pang of rage in her chest. However, she didn’t hold her tears and let them stream down her cheeks. She hated this feeling – being mad at Catra. _She_ was the one feeling bad, Adora couldn’t feel bad as well, she was needed as the strong person for now.

Sometimes, Adora wishes she never accepted her destiny as She-Ra. She loved the missions, and the friendships that came out of it, and She-Ra’s strength if she was honest. But she hated being so lonely. Nobody could understand that her life was tied with the destiny of a hero. She had no say about it. She could be afraid, it didn’t change the fact that she’d still have to play cat and mouse with Death with every mission. Adora shivered, alone on her bed too big and too cold.

A flash withdrew her from her thoughts and she stood up in a gasp, She-Ra’s sword magically in hand already. She scanned her room, her shoulders tensed, ready to fight if she had to. But she gasped at the sight of what freaked Adora out and broke in tears when she realized Glimmer had just teleported in her room. The queen of Bright Moon greeted Adora with an understanding nod, and she squeezed Adora’s shoulder to comfort her. Silently proving she’s here, that she wouldn’t leave Adora alone with her thoughts. But it wasn’t enough for Adora. Because like everybody else, Glimmer would leave at some point. She’d either leave or die, but that was always meant to be this way and Adora knew it. _You were born alone and you will die alone,_ _and nobody understands what it means to be a giant 8-foot tall lady with the fate of the universe in her hands_ , she thought. Oh, she definitely wasn’t a good company tonight. Maybe that’s why Adora loved so much run into battle without thinking about the consequences: it was the only thing she was good at – _praised for_ – and if she fell first, she wouldn’t have to suffer the loss of the ones she loved the most.

Not again.

“I can see your brain steam with all the thoughts racing there. Wanna talk about it?” Glimmer asked. Adora sighed. Maybe talking would help.

“I really, really don’t want to spend the night alone. I know I always have awful nightmares when I fall asleep feeling…” _Lonely. Heartbroken. Like someone t_ _ore my heart apart and left it in pieces._ “… Feeling bad.”

Glimmer nodded. She’d stay, and apparently Bow would be there too. Adora found comfort in that. Seeing two of her closest friends being there for her when she needed it the most.

She really could use one more familiar face in the circle.

***

Catra hissed as she tripped on a root, falling hands first in the thick grass. It wasn’t a trap, just a root. Of course she could’ve seen it. She could see during the night. She just let her guard down.

Stupid forest.

“ _Catra, are you okay?_ ”

“Yeah, Melog. It’s just a scratch.” Catra dusted her clothes, standing up.

“ _Where are we going?_ ” inquired the alien cat.

“Somewhere I won’t hurt anyone.”

“ _But you are hurting. And so is Adora._ ”

“What?”

“ _Catra. You deeply hurt when you think about how Adora left you when she left the Horde, yet you’re doing the same thing. What do you avoid?_ ”

Catra groaned. Of course Melog had to remind her. Because they were feeling exactly what _she_ was feeling. A pang of hurt slapped her face, stopping her from walking again. “I avoid the face of the people I hurt because I was suffering and wanted them to suffer too.”

“ _I believe Etherians experience that feeling too._ ”

“What’s your point?”

“ _My point is to prove you should share your feelings with Etherians and learn with them. Like you do with the Flower Princess.”_

Catra guessed the space cat had a point. She looked up, looking at the sky above them. The nightly walks in the forest had something soothing for Catra. The night – as long as she was awake – usually offered her the peace daylight couldn’t bring her: she could listen to Adora’s heartbeat, Melog’s purr, the tree branches tapping their trunks, see the soft gleam of Bright Moon’s runestone, stargaze and look at all the stars she’d seen _from_ _space_ a month ago, or get drunk on Adora’s sweet scent. Steal snacks in the kitchens and – _only sometimes_ – ask the cook for a thing or two.

But tonight, the moonlight wasn’t so comforting, the silence was deafening, and the branches rattling reminded Catra of the Horde’s outdated electric system failures before Entrapta fixed it. The atmosphere was getting dense and the forest’s scent indicated a heavy rain coming way too soon for Catra, and the only heart she could hear was hers tonight.

Her ears twitched.

It wasn’t just her racy heart and the lack of nocturnal creatures she could hear tonight. Catra noticed the hurried footsteps in her direction, she and Melog disappeared instantly.

***

“I don’t care that this stubborn brat walks out,” Adora frowned, “I just never know when she comes back.” _If she’ll ever come back,_ she didn’t dare to say.

“Why does it bother you so much?” Bow asked.

“You know you can tell us anything.” Glimmer added with an encouraging smile.

“She doesn’t realize she’s safe here. That I can take care of her, that we all can and –” Bow clearing his throat stopped her in her tracks. “Is something the matter?”

Feeling trapped, Bow grimaced with discomfort, begging silently for Glimmer’s help.

“I get your point Adora,” the queen started saying with a tremulous voice, “but try walking in Catra’s shoes.”

“What? She _never_ wears shoes.”

“Adora… It means you have to understand where Catra comes from.” Bow added.

“As much as I love having Catra around, I don’t forget my mom sacrificed herself to save us all.” Glimmer tried to repress the tears emerging at the corners of her sparkly eyes. “Try living with that, try to forgive the person responsible for that,” a finger rose in the air, stopping Adora from replying. “And try to live with that, as the responsible one. How would you take it if you were responsible for someone’s disappearance? And learn it casually between the main meal and dessert by a family member of this person, by all means.”

Adora started raising her finger too, trying to counter this. But she stopped herself mid-motion: Glimmer had a point. Catra must’ve been feeling awful. But how could she fix this and help the people she cared about? It was her job after all – fix things. Even the ones she didn’t break. Trying to find Angella was planned, Adora wanted to present her brainstorming to the Best Friend Squad after the space trip to bring back magic to the universe. Adora pinched her lips in a thin line, thinking. She kept trying to find a solution, she really did. But she was running out of solutions at this stage, and her head was getting so constricting she was starting to despise the faint lights of the room, and everything was becoming too loud to her liking. Bow’s blinking, Glimmer’s breathing. Her own heart beating. 

She needed to sleep, Adora guessed, and she’d start looking for Catra tomorrow morning if she wasn’t back by then.

***

“Ah, dearie you’re finally here!” Catra heard shouting. She didn’t say anything, trying to breathe as silently as possible, analyzing the situation.

The old woman looked at her right in the eyes. _How?_ _That’s not possible,_ Catra was invisible, she’d just checked.

“Come on, we need to go.” The old woman yelled, rushing towards Catra. The feline started stepping aside, to avoid a potential encounter with the weirdo in front of her.

But it didn’t go as planned, because the next thing she felt was a small hand grabbing her wrist. Catra hissed at the contact, pulling her arm away from whoever-it-is, her puffy tail signaling the unanticipated contact as an unwanted one. The old lady stopped in her tracks, noticing Catra’s state. “Oh it is the first time you see Madame Razz, isn’t it Catra?” Her blue eye twitching with impatience, Catra couldn’t repress a growl. “Who told you my name?”

Melog intervened, placing themselves between Razz and Catra, turning red and making themselves big to protect Catra.

Razz scoffed. “You invited me to your wedding, silly!”

_What the fuck?_

“Sorry to disappoint weirdo, but I don’t even know if I even have a girlfriend by now, so getting married is out of the question.” She didn’t deserve it anyway, she started thinking, looking away. Catra got a grip on herself, “How did you see me anyway?”

“Madame Razz sees you like she can see Loo-Kee right here, and Melog beside you.”

Catra watched the old weirdo with narrowed eyes. There was no “Loo-Kee”, but she guessed she couldn’t see whatever-it-was. The small woman had noticed Catra and Melog after all.

She was totally lost, and she didn’t really know what to do.

On the other hand, Melog seemed to accept the whole thing, and started to headbutt Razz. Surprisingly, the two of them seemed to like each other already.

“ _She’s_ _a being of pure_ _magic,_ ” Melog shared with Catra. “ _This planet is so much more than I was hoping it would be._ ”

Catra crossed her arms, raising an eyebrow. “So, Razz. What are you doing in the middle of the woods, by night, hugging the first animal with fangs and claws you see?”

“Because!” Madame Razz hit Catra with the metallic box she was holding.

Catra hissed and pushed the box away, losing patience. “Why’d you do that?!”

“We don’t have time to discuss, follow me. We’ll put zis box of sugar in my house, and we’ll start your journey.”

_N_ _ow, this was getting weirder and weirder._ “I think you need to see a doctor because you make no sense. How long have you been alone in the woods?”

Catra never heard the answer, because Madame Razz scoffed and started walking at an impressing pace in the woods, Melog following her.

Catra hated herself for this, but she decided to follow them too.

***

Adora was back on Prime’s ship, and she could feel her leg not being able to support her own weight, spears of pain as she barely tried to move. But her broken limb wasn’t important, because Catra needed her right now. Catra, whose chest could barely lift now. Her body was distorted, her bones fractured in multiple places, her chest swollen – meaning she was internally bleeding, and that couldn’t be good. Catra, usually so cheeky, so full of life, bursting with either rage or laugh or annoyance – reduced to such a small, broken body. Her usually wild, disheveled hair tamed into a haircut too out of Catra’s character, too gentle. These locks lacked Catra’s fury. And she was so small in Adora’s arms, with her irregular breathing. Too fragile, being manipulated so easily. It was always a struggle to compete with Catra’s strength as just Adora, but the lack of resistance worried the blonde girl now.

Catra’s breathing diminished in Adora’s arms, then She-Ra’s, then Bow’s. Until it stopped on the way back home.

Adora couldn’t believe it.

Adora wanted to scream. To break everything around her. She was finally reunited with the woman she cared about the most – her _friend_ despite everything that happened – and Catra was slipping away from her again. The knot in Adora’s throat was the heaviest she’d ever felt, her legs wouldn’t respond and let her get up but stuck her to the ground, Catra’s lifeless body pressing against her.

Catra exhaled, one last time.

-

Adora screamed, kicking the pillows and her friends around her, eyes filled with tears. She was drenched in her own sweat, blonde hair stuck to her forehead. She hated having nightmares, and she hated having to face them without Catra.

She let the tears lull her to sleep, completely worn out.

-

After this restless night, Adora noticed that Catra was still missing. It was agreed she would ride Swift Wind and they would fly over the Whispering Woods, trying to find her cat. Once she would be spotted, Swift Wind would land and let Adora walk the last meters separating her from the woman she loved. The morning was silent in Bright Moon’s castle – not by a lack of conversation but because the atmosphere was really dense, to say the least.

To be completely honest, Adora did care about it but her heart was strained somewhere else.

-

After hours of research, Swift Wind noticed the unusual activity around Madame Razz’s hut and smiled with relief when Melog meowed in their direction. Swift Wind landed, and Adora started running towards the old woman’s home. She could smell the comforting scent of wood burning slowly in Razz’s fireplace from there. Melog meowed in Adora’s direction, trotting towards her. She’d find Catra again soon. She’d be back home. Adora closed the gap between her and Razz’s house. She could hear the clutter behind the curtain and pulled it to enter the hut. All she wanted for now was holding Catra in her arms, and forget about the terrible night she’d just spent. They would take time to talk about the whole situation when Catra’s ready. For now, Adora wanted to take the time to tell her lover she needed her by her side, even if it had to mean they’d live in the forest for a while.

“Hey, Catra” she started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked the chapter guys. Any thoughts?


	3. Chapter 3

_The moon’s soft golden meshes make_

_All night a veil;_

_The shore-lamps in the sleeping lake_

_Laburnum tendrils trail._

_The sly reeds whisper in the night_

_A name – her name,_

_And all my soul is a delight,_

_A swoon of shame._

– James Joyce

After hours of research, Swift Wind noticed the unusual activity around Madame Razz’s hut and smiled with relief when Melog meowed in their direction. Swift Wind landed, and Adora started running towards the old woman’s home. She could smell the comforting scent of wood burning slowly in Razz’s fireplace from there. Melog meowed in Adora’s direction, trotting towards her. She’d find Catra again soon. She’d be back home. Adora closed the gap between her and Razz’s house. She could hear the clutter behind the curtain and pulled it to enter the hut. All she wanted, for now, was holding Catra in her arms, and forget about the terrible night she’d just spent. They would take time to talk about the whole situation when Catra’s ready. For now, Adora wanted to take the time to tell her lover she needed her by her side, even if it had to mean they’d live in the forest for a while.

“Hey, Catra” she started.

-  
  


The clutter turned out to be First Ones rat-like creatures scavenging Razz’s house. Neither Catra nor the old woman was there, and Adora looked at Melog, distressed as well.

There was no one in sight, and just like that – once again – Adora was alone.

***  
  


The night was dark, but it wasn’t a problem for Catra. The problem, right now, was that Melog was following that wacky old lady and – _fuck, she’s fast_. Catra accelerated her pace, trying to keep up with the two magical creatures. But who was she to say something about weird? She was a talking cat.

The three of them made their way to a hut, made of knotted roots and branches intertwined. The hut probably was Razz’s, Catra thought, because of how funky it looked. A whole weirdly organized mess, feeling cozy somehow. Razz snapped and a fire appeared, warming the atmosphere as the cold was biting slightly harder with time passing. The heat was enjoyable on Catra’s fur, covering her in a delicate embrace. All she needed was –

“– Adora!”

Catra blinked. _Can she h_ _ear_ _my thoughts?!_ “… What?”

Razz bonked her broom on Catra’s head. “You need to tell Adora!”

Growing frustrated at both being hit and not getting Razz’s point, Catra moved her hands in wide gestures, frowning. “Tell her what? Why don’t you make sense?!”

Razz scoffed. “That you saved her.”

Catra crossed her arms and blushed, turning her gaze to the fireplace. “She already knows.” _Telling her I love her brought her back to life… To me._

“Not Adora, silly.”

Catra was growing more and more frustrated and confused. None of this made sense. And why is it that she followed the first weirdo in the middle of the Whispering Woods? Was she that desperate? She hugged herself, tail curled up around her own thigh, somehow uncomfortable. She’d fled Bright Moon’s castle after learning about Angella, and she wasn’t ready to come back yet. That wasn’t a reason to be at Razz’s, she guessed, but she didn’t have a lot of other options. Catra figured a night with the old woman couldn’t hurt as long as the fire was still lit. And Melog was there, although they were already asleep and enjoying the hut’s warmth on their nebulous fur.

“Are you ready, dearie?” Razz asked, before squeezing Catra’s shoulder.

The unexpected contact withdrew Catra from her thoughts, hissing instinctively. She always hated contact, but even more since Prime’s… Forceful grasp on Catra’s mind and body. The squeezing hand on her shoulder brought back a flash of what happened on Prime’s ship, the overwhelming presence of all this green around her, Prime’s fingers tightly clenched on her skin, his noisy breathing taunting her. Catra had absolutely no control of the situation, so she tried her best to find her way to safety. She pulled away from the grasp and her voice cracked as she yelled “Don’t touch me!”

She wasn’t on the ship anymore. But neither was she in the forest. Every settling around her had vanished. Melog wasn’t there either. It was just Catra by herself, cradled by a soft pink light. Oh, and Razz, apparently. But the old woman seemed as abashed than Catra was. “Do you see that too?” Catra asked.

“Oh, all the time. But I’m surprised you are here, too.” Catra’s tail betrayed her nervousness. The two looked at each other for what felt like an eternity. Razz’s look softened, offering Catra an encouraging smile as she held her broom with two hands. “It’s always scary the first time dearie. You’ll get better soon.”

_When?_ Catra wanted to ask. But she said nothing, too anxious. She thought it was another trap, another trick that only Prime was capable of playing in her mind. And she knew better than to say something when the danger was overwhelming. Sometimes, it was still difficult to know what’s real and what’s part of a vision, and both often got mixed up together.

Catra crouched down, scratching her scalp to try and focus on what was real – the pain. Feeling physical pain was what helped her stay in contact with reality somehow. Or so she thought. She heard Razz say several things, and then noticed the lack of noise.

The deafening silence haunting her – _again_. Catra squeezed her eyes shut. Maybe if she squeezed hard enough, she’d wake up. And maybe Adora would be there too, she hoped.

“Ah! It’s funny, you look like Force Commander Catra. Except you have shorter hair.” a voice below Catra said. _That’s it, I’m h_ _earing_ _things again. That has to be it._

“You’re not here, go away.”

“Er… Yes, I am. How would I talk to you otherwise?” the voice responded.

“Then I’m not here, whatever. Just get out of my head.” Catra made herself even smaller. She wasn’t ready to deal with Prime’s vision all over again.

“You’re a friend of Razz, so you’re my friend too. I’m Loo Kee.”

That was it. Catra has had plenty of all this. She growled, frowned as she shut her eyes open with obvious frustration in her mismatched eyes. Loo Kee was some sort of hybrid creature, with blue hair and bright clothes. The clear innocence in Loo Kee’s brown eyes reminded Catra that it probably was the last interaction she’d have with reality. She let a deep sigh escape her before talking again. “Speaking of Razz, wasn’t she here a second ago?”

“Why, yes. But she went to teleport again, so it’s just you and me for a little while. What’s your name?”

“Catra,” she answered. Loo Kee gasped, as she was expecting. She wasn’t really loved in all Etheria.

On the contrary.

“Well, if Razz trusts you then so do I.”

“Gee, thanks.” Catra scoffed. Hesitantly, she added “You don’t have to pretend, you know.”

_I hate myself too._

The two chatted for a little while, both trying to break the ice. That didn’t really work, but it didn’t matter. Catra looked at the pink surrounding them. “Where are we?”

“Oh, we’re hiding between dimensions.”

_What?_

Puzzled brown eyes looked at her as if it was evident. “Say,” Loo Kee added, “Razz and I like to play hide and seek there. But it’s the first time she’s let someone go with her. She usually doesn’t like to mess with space and time with people around. I like to hide between worlds, so I don’t get caught. Are you hiding with us?” he asked.

Catra didn’t know what to answer. Was she hiding with them? Or hiding from all the other Etherians?

The soft glow on Catra’s left turned brighter and she braced herself, ready to fight. But she retracted her claws as she saw who had just appeared. “Hey, bring me back!” Catra demanded.

“Of course, dearie!” Razz answered. She offered her hand to Catra’s, implying they’d have to have some sort of contact to make it work.

Catra sighed and took the old hand in hers.

-

In another flash and barely enough time for Catra to blink, the pink atmosphere around them morphed into the comforting darkness of the night again. Catra sighed with relief, it was all behind her now. The heavy night announcing thunder had cleared, and Catra’s fur reflected the moonlight in a gentle blue. Golden balls of magic essence flew above them, turning the Whispering Woods into a comforting place. Razz’s hut was nowhere in sight, but Catra noticed a lake nearby.

And a familiar face, too. The feline smiled at the tall blonde girl. Adora. _Home._

But something was wrong: Adora didn’t see her back. Worse: someone else was with her.

Catra growled at the figure. Same height as hers, same brownish hair, _wait same tail?_ _What kind of twisted prank is that?!_

Now, she was _mad_. Raging. Seeing red. Furious. Distraught. Catra’s tail brushed with annoyance. “What do you think you’re doing?!” she yelled at the two. Okay, maybe she wasn’t just mad but also maybe, possibly, a little jealous.

However, when she tried to pull the cat away from _her_ girl, some sort of glitch happened. Catra turned to face Razz again – only to see Loo Kee.

So she was stuck again between dimensions, wasn’t she?

“Hello again, Catra!” he joyfully greeted her. “What are we looking at?”

“My…” _Frenemy?_ _Friend? Best friend?_ _G_ _irlfriend?_ “We’re looking at Adora. And whoever is with her now.”

But, she noticed, it was her. _Catra_ , who whoever it was, was with Adora. Not like the observer Catra was exactly, this glitched version had longer hair tied in a messy wolf tail. Her hair wasn’t quite long yet. She was wearing black skinny pants, her old belt maintaining it, and a red tank top. Adora – the Adora Catra was in love with – had her hair as usual, with that dumb puffy hair, and the same old clothes she was always wearing, and that hopeful smile on her cute, stupid face. The same cute, stupid face that made Catra’s heart race and pulled her into some magnetic weird need to hug the childhood friend she’d casually shared a kiss with, saving the universe.

“Hey, Adora.” Wolf tail Catra said.

“Hey, Catra.” Adora answered, then smirked with an eyebrow raised. “So, why did you bring me in the Whispering Woods in the middle of the night? Feeling sneaky?”

“Don’t be a tease,” Catra number two taunted. “I brought us here because…” She blushed. “…You know. I wanted to have a date with you.”

Adora awwed, her eyes shining with affection. The tall blonde held number two’s hand. Catra _definitely_ was jealous now. “How cute is that, Mrs. Stubborn Brat.”

Both girls scoffed. The golden light embraced them, enhancing their smiles at each other. A soft breeze caressed them both. The wind made the trees sing softly, responding to the crickets and frogs chanting in the background. The sky was full of stars and the milky way looked brighter than usual. Catra number two opened the backpack for the date she’d planned: she got a blanket out, as well as Adora’s favorite snacks – dried apple slices, walnuts and almonds, fruits, chocolate and sweet gummies made by the chef in Bright Moon’s kitchens. There were also fizzy drinks imported from Dryl, and a bottle of red wine directly from Plumeria. Both girls blushed, sharing the blanket, the bottle of wine, and a comfortable silence.

Loo Kee smiled, and asked Catra – the one who was with him – “Are you two together?”

“I… Don’t know.”

The two girls from the parallel dimension kissed softly, as to answer them. They whispered I love you’s, enjoying each other’s presence as much as possible. Catra wanted that for herself. Not just to save the universe, but because she’d always wanted to be with Adora, no matter how. She just wanted them to be together forever.

She wasn’t sure she deserved it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I like having feedback. Take care of yourselves <3


	4. Chapter 4

_From childhood’s hour I have not been_

_As others were; I have not seen_

_As others saw; I could not bring_

_My passions from a common spring. – 1/8_

Catra was the kind of person who loved to destroy stuff for fun. She couldn’t deserve what the vision was offering her – A bright future with _Adora_ , of all people, where nothing could stop them from apparently making out in the deepest part of the Whispering Woods. In the middle of the night. Giving each other heated kisses. Removing Adora’s jacket. Seeing the pale skin of her shoulder exposed to Catra number two, and…

Loo Kee cleared his throat. “Well, this is awkward,” he said. The original Catra blushed, ears tilted up at the sudden reminder of what was happening. She threw her hand in front of Loo Kee, covering his eyes, her tail swishing back and forth. Partly because she didn’t want that squirrel to look at the scene, and partly because she didn’t want him to see her blush.

The beginning of moans in the back didn’t really help. Catra shrieked and shook the blue-haired Etherian. “Wait! I want the pink back!” she said – too loud for the poor creature in front of her. _Thankfully_ , the pink atmosphere came back after a blink. Catra thought she probably was dreaming. That was the only plausible explanation. _Because your crush turning into an 8 feet-tall hot, muscular warrior with shiny eyes and laser beams emanating from her magical sword is totally plausible_. “Okay.” she started again, pinching the bridge of her nose, eyes shut. “Care to explain what just happened?”

Loo Kee gulped, uncomfortable. “You… Control where you go.” he started. “The visions reflect your thoughts, wishes, and fears. Try it out, think about something else.”

Catra wished to come back to the Whispering Woods. To come back to reality – her reality – and have only her usual amount of weird. Not this multidimensional portal to her deepest fears or her naughtiest dreams kind of weird. She focused on her reality very hard, on the therapy session she would have with Perfuma the morning after. But none of this worked and Catra growled her frustration. “Why am I stuck here then? Answer me!”

“Okay… Please don’t get mad at me, Catra. I’m sorry this didn’t work, but yelling at me won’t help.”

“I’M NOT YELLING!” she retorted.

This wasn’t working. She took a deep breath in, as Perfuma taught her, hands pressed together and fingers pointed up. Eyes closed. _Be grateful or whatever. Feel your shoulders, unclench your jaw. Deep breathe in… And out._

Catra exhaled, visibly exhausted about the whole situation. “...I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you and I’m working on being a better person. Can you help me get out of here? Please?” she asked awkwardly.

Loo Kee’s face turned from distressed to a small, understanding smile. He nodded. “To be able to come back to your dimension, you have to fix the damage induced to the space-time continuum. You find the anomaly, fix it, and you go back home.”

“How do I find it?”

“It finds you.” He simply answered.

Catra wanted to react, to slide a petty comment, or play the sarcasm card. Maybe mess with Loo Kee at this point, threaten to chase him or whatever.

But no.

The laughs she knew too well stopped her from doing that. She watched the soft pink turning white again, with a light so bright she had to close her eyes to protect them. Within a second, the multidimensional portal had turned into the Fright Zone, the way it used to be years ago. On Catra’s first day as a cadet, precisely.

Everyone was there – Adora, Lonnie, Kyle, Rogelio. Other classes were there too, or squadrons, she wasn’t sure. As usual, Adora and Catra were laughing together. Child’s play really: they were racing side by side, last to arrive at the locker room was the loser and would trade a gray ration bar for the winner’s brown kind. A timeless offer. Adora was usually faster but she liked to play by the rules. Catra knew it. The older version of herself too.

She watched the scene as it used to happen years ago: Catra had won this time, she was the first to arrive there. She was happy to be the first in class – she loved learning new things.

“What are you doing here?” Shadow Weaver demanded. This specific tone formed a pit in Catra’s stomach, and she saw the younger version of herself puff her tail, ears down.

She tried to answer “Adora and me, we were –”

“– Silence!” the old woman shouted. She was shifting to a bigger, scarier version of herself. “Do not drag Adora down your level. We both know you should follow her example, not the other way round.” Turning again into a normal size, she added “if you are to be with Adora, behave and follow her steps. _She_ is the reason you are allowed to stay. You do not want to disappoint her.”

Both Catras gulped. The younger version of herself didn’t know what was about to happen, but Catra, with years of abuse behind her, did. She had no choice but to watch the kid in front of her being taught “a lesson” on respecting Shadow Weaver, not running in the corridors, not trying to corrupt Adora. A lesson about trying to make herself as insignificant as possible, or else she would go through the same pain in every cell of her body, piercing her with billions of invisible needles up her bones to keep her in the lines.

And there was something violent in watching herself being manipulated and not doing anything about it – trying to save herself from the pain inflicted by authority figures. Catra wasn’t taught respect through acts of love and care. She was taught to respect figures of power out of fear. She shivered at the memory happening in front of her. Little Catra crying because of the pain, the terror, the lack of understanding about what is it that she did wrong this time.

Loo Kee’s voice brought her back to what was actually happening. “You’ve been through that?” he asked. Catra’s silence was an answer in itself. “I’m sorry, Catra. It wasn’t fair.”

_No, it wasn’t_ , she thought. But what else could she do? Tell her mom about the bad treatment? Tell Shadow Weaver’s boss? Nobody would answer her calls for help. And she remembered how hard she tried, the countless people she told about Shadow Weaver’s manipulations and abuse.

She was alone.

Catra was alone – but Adora seemed to do as much as possible to relieve her from the pain. They were kids, so there wasn’t much they could do to counter Shadow Weaver’s terrible treatment. Adora stood up for her friend as soon as she saw how unfair the “mother” figure was to Catra. The little blonde tried her best to cheer up her friend. With childish games, giving a part of her gray ration bar the nights she noticed Catra had been silent and sad again.

This started to form a new memory in front of her and her new multidimensional companion. They were still in the Fright Zone – except this time they were in the dormitories at night. It wasn’t time for lights out yet, but everyone wearing pajamas indicated it was about to be. Memories of a sleepover, it seemed.

Catra’s ears twitched at a sound she knew too well. Discrete little sobs muffled under a flat pillow. She brushed it off, she was hearing things. But a few minutes after lights out and the bed under hers still repressing sobs, little Catra popped her head out of her top bunk to look at Adora.

“What’s going on?” the little cat asked. But Adora didn’t answer, probably overthinking alone. Catra hated feeling helpless, and even more towards the only friend she really had here. All the others were making fun of her, because she had mismatched eyes and because she was small, and because when she was singing in the communal showers they said she was always off-key and that she was dumb. She didn’t know how to retract her claws yet, and the others made fun of that too. She had to try and cheer up Adora tonight, though. So her only friend wouldn't feel as bad as she did sometimes.

Catra counted the minutes separating her from joining Adora. The patrol would check on the dormitories soon, and then she could climb down and be there for her friend. After the soldiers opened the doors and counted the little recruits, little Catra sneaked out of her bed and jumped on her friend’s. It was now clear that Adora wouldn’t talk tonight, so Catra curled up on the blonde’s feet and started purring. She knew it was comforting to hear the low rumbles of her chest, it soothed both girls when they were feeling distressed.

On another wordless night, she let the continuous, soft sound lull them to sleep.

-

Again, Catra was back to the pink dimension, the waterfall of memories just a step away.

“You were always there for her,” Loo Kee said. “It’s beautiful to see such good friends together.”

“Yeah… Friends.”

“Something tells me you would like to have more.”

“Of course I want to.” _I’ve loved her since forever_ , Catra didn’t dare to say out loud. She crossed her arms, tail curled around her legs, tracing patterns with her feet on the dusty soil.

“What’s stopping you then?”

_Myself. What I did in the past. All the times I could’ve just joined her and –_ Tears were forming in the corner of her eyes. Not now, not in front of a stranger. _I should’ve joined her_.

“What’s stopping me,” Catra started, “is how bad I treated her and her friends. I don’t deserve her.”

“You can make it up to her, you’ve already started. Right?”

“I guess,” she answered, somehow uncomfortable. “I don’t think it’ll ever be enough to fix it, but I’ll try my hardest to be a better person.”

“Everyone deserves to be happy. But you don’t get that with a snap of your fingers.”

“You don’t say.” Catra retorted.

“It’s easier to be selfish and do what you want. Not care about the effects on the other. What’s easy is not always the right thing, and I’m convinced you’ll do okay.”

_Someone believes in me at least. That’s cool. I guess._

The yelling of “Catra, dearie!” made Catra jump, her fur bristle, and her back arch to make herself bigger. She brushed her puffy tail at the realization. “Razz.”

“Did you save her yet?” the old lady asked.

“Save who?! All I see are memories of me being alone.” Another bonk on her head got to Catra’s nerves.

“The tall one, dearie! Don’t pretend that you don’t know! You told zat story so many times!”

“Adora can take care of herself!” the short-haired cat retorted. She dodged another hit of Razz’s broom and hissed. This situation was out of control, and Catra hated it.

She was done listening to Razz, she was done seeing her memories, she was done with that stupid quest. Dealing with Bright Moon’s bullshit was easier to handle, and at least she knew how to get on everyone’s nerves there.

Catra was fed up with that mystic bullshit, so she started walking towards the pink waterfall.

She had to end this once and for all, and that way she could be _anywhere but here_ , with these freaks telling her what to do.

She walked through the pink portal and stopped in her tracks.

It took her time to realize what was happening in front of her. _No, it can't be_ _… It’s not possible…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder what Catra got herself into. 
> 
> (The answer is utter chaos. As always.)
> 
> Thanks to everyone who commented so far, your feedback motivates me to keep writing this story :)


	5. Chapter 5

_From the same source I have not taken_

_My sorrow; I could not awaken_

_My heart to joy at the same tone; -_ _2/8_

“You better have something for me.”

Scorpia hesitated in front of Catra, still in the Horde back then. “Entrapta’s recordings. She stored them all in Emily,” she answered sheepishly, handing the piece of scrap metal to Catra. Horde Catra smirks. The observer of the scene, however, doesn’t. Catra feels uncomfortable reliving this memory. _As if the nightmares weren’t enough, they had to haunt me there too_. “The chip got damaged when I extracted it, but hopefully that won’t matter.” Horde Catra’s fist tightened, refraining herself to snap. “It was just so small and, you know, pincers.”

“You broke…” Catra noticed her Horde self’s ears twitch. “The recordings?”

“I – I didn’t mean to.” Scorpia backs off.

It could have gone so much better if Catra had managed to work on her pain and anger, but no. She had to ruin everything, like always – she witnessed Scorpia’s heart breaking helplessly, _again_.

“I ASKED YOU to do one thing!” Horde Catra shouted, threatening the taller woman through wide gestures, clawing in the air. “ONE SIMPLE THING and you completely ruined it!” the Force Captain continued. _Stop, please…_

“But of course you ruined it.” _Enough…_ “Yeah. You’re Scorpia. That’s just what you do!” _Enough!_ Catra scratched her scalp, paralyzed with fear as the memory kept going. She watched her past self pacing in the corridor with a fast step, tail swishing as her anger built up. “You couldn’t handle Emily, you never know when to shut up. The only thing you’ve ever done is get in my way!” Horde Catra frowned. “What did I expect? I mean, how can you _possibly_ be this useless?” She continued, her shoulders rising. Scorpia lowered her head in shame. Completely broken by Catra’s acidic behavior. “What?!” Horde Catra added, to terminate the last sparkle of hope and friendship between the two women.

The deafening silence between the two accompanied Catra’s shattered breathing. The silence only lasted a second before Scorpia added “You’re a bad friend,” but it didn’t matter anymore. Scorpia shuffled back to her dorm, and the Catra from the past let a pang of guilt cross her face. She breathed in and out slowly, then turned back towards the locker room.

What was she supposed to do, now? Her instinct screamed to chase herself, to fight claws and fangs out until one of them kills the other. She wanted to let her buried rage take control, and taste blood on her mouth as she rips off the Force Captain’s throat. She could feel the buzz of adrenaline in her ears, her heart trying to break her rib cage, the limitless flow of energy in her limbs, the silent – ragged – rhythm of her chest rising and falling. Maybe run after Scorpia, tell her how sorry she is, promise her that she’s trying to fix it. Maybe side with her, follow her to Bright Moon, maybe even hug her.

But she stayed there shaking, with nothing but her head lowered and her arms wrapped around herself, feeling sick.

For a moment, she tried to find an excuse for her behavior – she was sad, angry, in grief. Just expressing her pain, right? But the longer she thought about it, the worse she felt about her past.

A slow clap behind her pulled Catra away from her overwhelming thoughts. “How very emotional. You almost got me there,” a voice she knew too well told her. “It’s almost like you care about people.”

Catra didn’t move. Didn’t even dare watching what she _knew_ was behind her. _Who_ was behind her. Catra’s throat suddenly felt even tighter, choking on her own breathing, making her body as steady as possible.

In a survival stance, ready to fight.

Or flight.

She wasn’t so sure about what to do in that case.

So the voice behind her – the person – planted their claws in Catra’s shoulder, sending jolts of pain and terror down her shoulders, and her spine, and her whole body. The air suddenly felt cold compared to the burning touch on her shoulder, the firmness of the claws threatening to break her skin.

Another possessive hand pulled her against the form, clawed hand on her stomach, pressing Catra’s body against the slender figure behind her. It continued its speech, and Catra wasn’t sure how it did it. She was supposed to be unable to interact with her surroundings in between dimensions.

“Then again,” the distorted voice continued, “We both know I’m full of surprises, aren’t I?”

Catra remained still. Calculating her chances of escaping the deadly grip.

But there was nowhere to go. Nothing to do.

Nothing to say.

The firm grip tightened even more, breaking Catra’s skin in a painfully slow motion. She contemplated her surroundings, turning from the Fright Zone’s scene that just occurred to a cold void. There was no light at all, just her and the silhouette behind her.

And _once again_ , she was trapped.

The shadow behind her inhaled Catra’s neck for a long time, as if it were breathing in her fear. A tail wrapped Catra’s leg, breaking even more the distance between the two, the unwelcome touch sending her back to Prime’s ship and all its forms of abuse.

“Don’t you think it’s beautiful? You and me, finally reunited after all this time.”

Catra’s ears twitched as she felt the hot breath too close to her, the figure whispering by now. She was completely stuck, at the slender ghost’s mercy, paralyzed by everything she was feeling. And she hated every single second of it. Her body and mind had completely dissociated – her brain told her to move, to fight back, to escape the forceful grip. But her body didn’t want to obey, and her legs and arms were shaking, barely helping her standing at this stage.

It was too much for her.

“What a blast,” the voice kept going. “Seeing you so weak. The princesses did a good job of making you soft, it seems. Where’s the fierce Catra I was expecting? The one who’s not afraid to scratch someone’s smirk off their face, the Force Captain wreaking havoc in Hordak’s lab?” A second passed, an eternity, Catra wasn’t sure anymore. “Where’s the fierce warrior ready to challenge her abusers? To resist Shadow Weaver’s grip? The Catra who doesn’t want to lose, when Adora had it all?” the voice kept hammering on Catra’s mind. “When she had admiration, and love, and stability, and she ripped it all away from you?” The form was now completely constricting the brunette. “Tell me, Catra, how does it feel to have lost – once again?” Another eternity passed, none of them determined to give a sign of weakness to the other. “Not much of a talker are you? If I didn’t know you so well, I would bet it’s because you’re scared.”

Catra could practically hear the smirk in the other’s voice. She was feeling sick. The tension was so thick it could be sliced up with a knife. Be shared with everyone around, in any dimension at this point. “Let me show you something,” it continued. The void around them turned into another scene in the Crimson Waste. The sudden light almost blinded Catra for a second, she hated experiencing such brutal changes.

Because it reminded her of when Prime possessed her body.

The hand on Catra’s stomach pinched her cheeks, forcing her to look at the scene happening in front of her. Another scene, another memory – a party. The Horde had managed to conquer Mara’s ship, and Horde Catra was sitting triumphantly in what could have been a throne if she’d really wanted to. The Horde had won this time – she had the ship and all its loot, She-Ra’s sword, the Crimson Waste at her feet. Adora in the back of the ship, begging on her knees. They were about to open a portal and crush the Rebellion once and for all. Horde Catra was winning, savoring the moment. The bitter scent of alcohol in the dry air, but the oh-so-sweet taste of victory as well.

The Catra who was forced to watch the scene, on the other hand, shivered. If she hadn’t opened that portal… She wouldn’t have suffered Prime’s violence. Or betrayed Adora once again. Or sacrificed the Queen of Bright Moon – _Angella_ , she recalled her name. None of this would’ve happened if Catra had known when to stop.

“ _You_ did this to yourself, Catra,” the shadow continued. _When will it stop?_ Catra wondered. “Now suffer the consequences. You lost, you lost it all. Everything you’ve ever wanted. Nobody will trust you and this is all your fault.”

She knows it. But she hates being reminded of that.

“Of course you hate it, dumbass. You hate everything in the world.” It kept hammering, claws tearing Catra’s skin even more, leaving traces of blood on her shoulder, on her light shirt. “You had it all back then. And you’ve failed for some stupid, useless, revenge.”

_Not revenge_ , she thought. _H_ _eartbreak._ She said nothing, though.

“You’ll never win Catra. You’ve chosen a life where you’ll always be Adora’s sidekick, her shadow. You’ll never build a name of your own, because you’re too weak to do that. You’ll only be remembered because Adora is She-Ra. You are a failure.”

But Catra knows that.

She knew it from the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope it's getting interesting for y'all. It is for me 👀
> 
> Next chapter will feature (the original) Adora, left behind with Melog in the middle of the Whispering Woods. Is she going to be pissed off by her crush missing? The angst will soon give room to more fluff, please bear with me. As always, your comments mean the world to me.


	6. Chapter 6

_And all I loved, I loved alone. – 3/8_

Adora had imagined it all – Catra had left again, she had to make it to the next day without the woman she loved, or she disappeared again, or worse. Someone had kidnapped her, dragged She-Ra to take over Adora’s life again.

Swift Wind tried to have a conversation with the blonde, but Adora couldn’t say more than three words in a row.

Yes. No. I don’t know.

A round of the same words telling her winged companion that she wasn’t really there.

Again, she was alone.

Adora sat on the stone-cold floor of Razz’s hut and hugged herself.

Alone.

***  
  
“You’ll never win Catra. You’ve chosen a life where you’ll always be Adora’s sidekick, her shadow. You’ll never build a name of your own because you’re too weak to do that. You’ll only be remembered because Adora is She-Ra. You are a failure.”

But Catra knows that.

She knew it from the beginning. But it wasn’t the point. She would regret everything later – she had to save her ass from this tricky situation, and quick.

_What was it that Perfuma said about grounding techniques?_

Catra focused on the pain in her shoulder caused by the shadow behind her. The waves of warm, iron-scented liquid sticking to her fur. The cold sensation of the floor on her feet contrasting with the feeling on her shoulder. Her weight balanced on her legs. The fast breathing of the enemy behind her. She closed her eyes, focusing on her surroundings. Noticed an imbalance in her opponent’s stance, and clawed the arm planted in her shoulder, using her body to throw the shadow above her. A loud thud was followed by a broken laugh – her own, but not quite.

Catra was facing the corrupted version of herself. Half of her doppelganger’s face consumed by nothingness. It laughed at her. “There she is!” Her evil double shouted. “Finally some action!” Catra’s shoulder was hurting like hell, but she didn’t care. The anomaly had found her – now she had to erase it. So she clenched her fists, ready to fight.

***  
  
“Mara, dearie!” yelled the moving curtain on Adora’s right corner of her eye. She rubbed her eyes, wiping her tears from the swollen orbs, and her voice cracked with hope.

“Razz?!”

Adora stood up and felt dizzy – she should’ve eaten today. The addition of dehydration and hunger made it hard to see. Her head ached, her stomach growled and her heart felt heavy. Melog rushed to help her, and Swift Wind seemed there too. Adora was seeing mostly black, so she didn’t notice much.

The buzz in her head became even louder. Everything was too much.

“Stay down you silly,” Razz said gently. “You’re going to hurt yourself.” The old woman’s presence was somehow reassuring, enveloping Adora in that tender warmth that was _so_ Razz.

“Have you seen Catra?” Adora asked. “I’ve been looking for her…” Melog gently growled in Adora’s direction. “…We have” she corrected herself.

“Your wife? Yes,” Razz started, which surprised Adora. They weren’t even… _Girlfriends_. Even if Adora wanted that really bad, but she was giving time and space to let Catra come around at her own pace first. “A minute ago.”

“Where is she?!” Adora tried to stand up – but everything around her was dark. _I really should eat something_ , she told herself.

“She’s gone on a mission, Loo Kee is around to make sure she’s okay. She has quite the temper, zis one,” the old woman scoffed. Adora smiled at that.

“Yeah, tell me about it,” she simply answered.

“Let’s make you lunch dearie. You can wait here for Catra,” Razz simply said, rumbling around her house as usual. “Clawdeen can come with me, and Swift Wind too. You’ll both help an old lady, won’t you?”

“Of course Razz!” Swift Wind answered, theatrically banging his mane in the air. “But who’s Clawdeen?” he added.

When Razz pointed at Melog, three pairs of eyes asked each other silently. What was going on? _And w_ _hy Clawdeen, of all names_? But it was just Razz being Razz, so Adora shrugged, Swifty blinked in acknowledgment, and Melog trilled a “mrrp” back to them. Maybe the old woman was losing it just a little, after all. Who could blame her? Living in the woods, like that, Adora had to recognize it was something she could never do. She was a chicken when it came to be alone with her own thoughts.

_But soon it’ll be over. Catra will be back, and I just have to wait for her._

Adora made herself comfortable in Razz’s hut, waiting for everyone to come back to her. Maybe she was alone, but she wouldn’t be for too long. Everything would be okay.

_Right?_

***

Catra’s evil twin was _fast_ , she had to admit. The double-faced cat was fast and knew every cheat, every sparring technique Catra was trying to make. Her double yawned, taunting her.

“Aren’t you tired? I am, but it’s mostly because this fight is _so boring_.”

Catra had to think fast. She had tried the sparring, the cheating so far… And smirked. She had to play it Horde style – _and reach for the heart_. “You got a big mouth, huh?”

“Ah, she talks,” the corrupted double said. “Thought cat’s got your tongue!”

Each of them dodged the other’s attacks, blocked hits and claws. Catra’s muscles were screaming their exhaustion. She was getting tired. She’d need to take a break soon, so she had to try something. And she asked, “Wanna hear about Adora?”

The double snarled at her, glitched voice turning into a deep, shattered growl. Talking about Adora was it: she knew she could get an advantage out of it. “Adora won’t come back!” it answered.

“No, she won’t. You’re right about that,” Catra taunted back. “But guess what?” The feline placed herself in a lower position, ready to jump at the glitched double. “I’ll be the one to get back to her, and I’ll take care of her like you never could,” Catra hit the double’s face. “Hug her like you never will,” Another punch drew blood on the glitch’s mouth. “And love her like you never did!”

Catra had found the cracks in the other’s tough skin. It wasn’t Adora – even if the tall blonde did have a lot to do with who she was today – but her own feelings for her childhood friend. The fear, the insecurities, this was Catra’s weakness. She’d hit a nerve in her double’s head, because the enraged figure now let its emotions take over.

Catra would win this.

She had to.

Clenching her fist, her other hand on the distorted figure that looked like her – but was only a shadow of her true self – and stood, ready to punch the broken figure in front of her to another dimension once and for all. And it would have been the case if another flash behind them hadn’t occurred, followed by a loud crash. Catra reflexively turned her head to analyze the danger behind her – she could take two enemies at once.

Or so she thought.

It all happened so fast, in a matter of seconds, really. Catra realized it was _that dwarf_ _squirrel again_ , let her guard down long enough for her evil twin to throw dust and gravel in her eyes, stood back in surprise, and heard the other cat go. She grunted, confused, annoyed that her target went away so easily. Her eyes full of tears shot back at Loo Kee, clearly ashamed of ruining everything. Catra _really_ was tempted to leave a sassy comment, or pass her nerves on the blue-haired ball in front of her. But she was better than that. Still, she was rather mad her target could get away that easily.

“Well, this is –”

“– if you say this is awkward again I can’t promise you to stay calm, Loo Kee,” Catra cut him. The embarrassed giggle she received as an answer convinced her this wouldn’t happen.

“I was sent by Razz to help you.” Loo Kee said after a brief silence.

“As you could see, I can handle myself,” Catra answered, hissing as she moved her wounded arm around to analyze the extent of the damages. She wouldn’t need stitches, apparently, good news.

“What’s meant to occur always happens in the multidimensional space and time continuum. This wasn’t the end of your trip Catra,” her travel companion answered. “Madame Razz said you still have a long way to go.”

Catra scoffed. “So what do I do now? I just want to be back to _my_ reality, have a drink that will put me to sleep almost instantly because of how strong it is.” _Maybe touch Adora’s butt._

If Adora would let her, after everything that happened.

***

  
Minutes passed and Adora dozed off, head shaking from time to time. She was combating that fatigue with all her will and stubbornness, but her body was betraying her. She needed to sleep, she needed to eat, she needed to drink.

But she also needed Catra.

She heard the clangs and pongs of Razz’s pans, the eggs cracking and the smash of a dough as well as she heard a paw being hit by a rolling pin, the roar following loud and clear. She heard the sorry Clawdeen’s and Swifty stop doing zis’s in the distance, lulled by the familiar darkness surrounding her body.

Adora was used to this feeling – falling asleep from exhaustion. She’d passed years delaying her bedtime as much as possible, so she wouldn’t have the energy to think too much before sleeping, and because in that state she didn’t wake up even when she had nightmares. The night would just go and she would wake up after a few hour’s nap, ready to fight.

But this time, it was daylight, and she had nothing to fight but her own thoughts.

Maybe Adora felt alone, and maybe somehow she was. But she had her friends waiting in Bright Moon and the other realms, she was along with three of them. They cared for her, they were feeding her, covered her with their fur and wings, purring and singing her to sleep. Razz was brooming her hut, cluttering pretty much everything, but Adora didn’t care.

The warm feeling cuddling her almost reminded her of Catra’s embrace.

She couldn’t wait to yell at Catra for leaving like that again, and then hold her close like there was no tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanna bet on fluff or angst for next chapter, kiddos? *finger guns*


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for a mild panic attack at the beginning of the chapter, take care!

_Then – in my childhood, in the dawn_

_Of a most stormy life – was drawn_

_From every depth of good and ill_

_The mystery which binds me still – 4/8_

“If you want to come back to your own reality,” Loo Kee told Catra, “you have to follow your heart.”

Catra scoffed. A lot was going on in her head: _which heart? I don’t even deserve it. I just can’t fix my mistakes in a snap of my fingers._ She went on another direction, deciding you don’t get someone’s help by yelling at them when you’re not in the Horde. She asked with a genuine tone in her voice, crossing her arms: “So, I just decide _hey I wanna see Adora again_ and that’s it?”

Loo Kee shrugged and gave her a sheepish smile. “Heh, I mean it does work to a certain extent, but Madame Razz likes to make everything a little more complicated.”

“Yeah, no joke” Catra retorted. “By the way, I never asked you… What _are_ you?”

Loo Kee seemed confused. “I’m a guy.”

 _Be patient, Catra…_ “What species are you, groundhog?”

“I’m a Kon-Seal, and we’re not groundhogs! We’re far more sophisticated than those mountain beggars!” Loo Kee replied vividly.

Catra raised a brow, her smirk only growing. “Touchy subject huh?”

“Says the talking cat!”

“I see your eyes are working okay, mountain mouse.”

Both companions were finally warming up to each other – not that Catra had a choice – and it made her feel somehow better. It was nice to have someone to talk to, even if it was through pet names, as she tried to go back to Adora.

As she tried to go back _home_.

The pink waterfall changed again, and Catra braced herself for the next vision.

-  
  
The air changed to an almost suffocating atmosphere. It was hot, humid, and there was almost no sunlight. The two were in some sort of cave – the slippery rocks surrounded them, and Catra found out that Loo Kee couldn’t see in the dark by the way he was tightening his little grip to her leg.

“I wish I could carry you but my shoulder’s in a bad shape. I’m sorry,” the feline said. “You can either follow my voice or my footsteps.”

“No, the anomaly will play out of this! I think…” He started, and Catra regretted the way she _knew_ things would turn out. “I think I’ll grab a piece of your clothes and I’ll let you guide me.”

Catra rolled her eyes, her own silent way to disagree. She knew they had no choice, so better fix that already and move on to the next step of her adventure.

They started making tentative steps to see how slippery the ground was, and how their movements would coordinate together. Minutes passed and they finally found their pace, Catra fully seeing the details around her – the sharp rocks forming countless darts of stalactites, sometimes embracing a stalagmite, giving the illusion this fragile column would carry the grotto by itself. Catra noticed the underground lake nearby, the vines – _tree roots?_ – coming from above them, trying to reach the water. She noticed the traces of life there: fish swimming innocently in the underground lake, fungi growing here and there. The sleepy bats shouting at each other from above. She noticed something more surprising since they were buried under tons of rocks, the presence of a barrier. Pylons of wood linked with a rope, indicating they were not alone.

Catra fell silent, twitching her ears in an attempt to hear anything helpful. Would they see her evil twin? Another entity that would actually help them?

But she didn’t _see_ anything. Instead, she _heard_ the detonations above the cave. One she knew too well – the deafening sound of the Horde’s tanks and battalions. The screams that followed. A little more, and she knew she would hear the silence of death, smell the iron and burnt odor of corpses and houses. Catra grabbed Loo Kee’s hand, a way for her to stay in the moment and not go back to a bad place of her mind, because it would be all too real and she couldn’t bear to see Prime’s face again. Or die again, she couldn’t… She had to –“Catra you have to breathe!” a voice under her said. _Can’t_. Her grip tightened, her muscles tensed – the cold sweat invading her again, and the feeling that her heart would explode in her chest. Catra’s jaw clenched, and she was dizzy again. The small hand squeezing hers barely helped, but she wasn’t alone at least.

The feeling stopped after a moment, helped by the arrival of a group close. People like Catra. _Talking cats_ like Catra. They all easily jumped from rock to rock, carried their wounded in small groups. They were barely a few dozens, not even a third of what could’ve been a thriving village. Closing the march was a really tall woman – almost as big as She-Ra – with piercing yellow eyes. She was wounded too, and seemed in a state of panic like Catra had never seen in her life. They were communicating in a language she didn’t recognize, but it sounded solar, somehow.

It looked like they were arguing. The big cat wanted to go back to the surface, the others disagreed. A few of them fell on their knees, all males, begging the tall cat to change her mind. Another one, a female cat, gave the yellow-eyed woman a mask Catra recognized. It was hers – or the one she used to have in the Horde. She always had it with her, being the only item that connected her to her past. The tall feline wore it and started hugging a few of her people, giving orders and crying.

Catra knew that face. It was one that said goodbye and begged for the others not to come back for her, knowing the dangers of the situation. A face she herself had made not so long ago.

The big cat started running to the surface, and with a “screw it!” Catra started carrying Loo Kee with the arm that wasn’t hurt and followed the tall woman. She couldn’t be seen in this dimension, so she took it as an advantage to jump and dodge the dangers of that grotto in front of the other group of cats without worry. The big one was _fast_ but Catra didn’t let herself be outrun by her.

As they reached the surface, Catra saw the horrors of the war in front of her. She pushed her feelings aside, she could cry about it later. She had to follow the cat with that… strangely lavender fur. They were apparently headed to the remains of a castle, ruins all around them. The fire was consuming the place, feeding on the wood surfaces and tapestries. The yellow-eyed cat finally reached a room that looked like a royal suite and pulled a little ball of fur out of a crib. Almost as instantly, a swarm of Horde soldiers surrounded them, and Catra heard a soldier say “The Magicat Queen!”. Everything around them started to fall off, the place threatening to collapse any time soon. The Magicat Queen, well aware of what was about to happen started speaking with a thick accent, rolling her R's in a way Catra had never heard before:

“I’ll surrender but please don’t kill my baby!”

In an instant, the queen rose her free hand in the air, the soldiers rushed to grab her and one of them pulled the baby away from her arms. The baby started crying, the queen roaring with distress. A beam fell off the ceiling, pulling everyone away from the castle.

The queen found herself tied with ropes in the back of a Horde truck, surrounded by soldiers. Catra followed, as she was still invisible to every one of them. The squadron headed back to their base, it apparently was an hour drive.

An hour of tensed silence, baby sobs, and a loving mother trying to protect her baby the best way she can.

Once they were back at the base, the queen was caged in the Horde’s cells. The soldiers discussed what they would do with the baby – dump it, have fun with it, leave it to die since the queen wouldn’t see it anyway. A nurse passed by and took the kitten, pretending to examine how healthy it was, given it was living in the jungle. Catra and Loo Kee followed the Horde nurse. Loo Kee only observed and didn’t speak, afraid of being spotted even though it was impossible. Catra, on her side, was unable to say a word.

The nurse carried the baby in her arms to the cells, taking it to meet its mother. The queen looked grateful, the nurse understanding. She probably was a mother herself and understood the necessity of seeing your baby one last time.

“I don’t have a lot of time, the others will notice.” The nurse whispered.

“Put her somewhere safe. She needs to survive” the Magicat queen answered with tears in her eyes.

Tender, sad, loving yellow eyes crossed the little one’s – and that's when Catra realized. The kitten had one yellow eye and one blue eye, just like her. The baby was a newborn, so didn’t do much at this age except smile at her mom – but Catra knew. She was witnessing her mom say goodbye one last time. Catra’s mom sang her a lullaby, and baby Catra fell asleep. The nurse left with her, put her in a carton box, and knocked at the Horde’s orphanage room. The nurse left before anyone answered, and a door opened. Baby Catra was taken to the nursery, and the adult version stuck between dimensions couldn’t help but watch her mom. The queen howled her pain from her cell, chanting her sadness, her heartbreak.

Catra started crying too, and let herself fall on the floor. The steam engines and Horde’s rattling disappeared again, and Catra could only hear her own sobs. The floor was cold, it was dirt again – she wiped her tears and noticed the multidimensional waterfall in front of her.

The small woman let herself cry, shouted her pain as she’d just seen her mom – her _mom_ – do. Loo Kee was there, and he was silent. He just hugged Catra as best as he could, letting her express her feelings.

The two sat there for a while, unable to tell when or where they’d go next. Loo Kee just had to comfort his new friend at the moment, the rest could wait.

Loo Kee noticed then that there was something violent in being unable to help his friend, and let her cry on his shoulder for as long as she needed it.

He had to be there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ouch, Catra needs a hug.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the kind comments on the last chapters, they motivate me to write more for this story! :)

_From the torrent, or the fountain,_

_From the red cliff of the mountain,_

_From the sun that round me rolled_

_In its autumn tint of gold – 5/8_

Catra had no idea how long she cried before her swollen eyes closed themselves with exhaustion. How many times did she dream of meeting her parents? She was convinced they’d given her up because she was unwanted, because they already had a lot to do on their own, because they just didn’t care about her. She never expected her mom to actually sacrifice her life to save hers. Catra grew up thinking she could only rely on herself – even Adora had given up on her at some point – even less trust a parental figure given that she had to grow up around _Shadow Weaver_ , of all people.

The notions of space and time were meaningless in-between dimensions, and Catra didn’t care anymore at this point. However, it still felt weird to fall asleep in a place and wake up in another, having no idea how long she’d slept.

She cleared her dry throat, head still heavy with all these tears and thoughts, stretching her limbs and tail to relieve her sore back after all these adventures. Her wounded shoulder was getting better, but Catra’s twin didn’t pretend to attack. The cuts were small but deep in her skin.

_I’d give anything for a drink and some catnip now_ , she told herself.

“Hello Catra, feeling better?” her companion asked hopefully.

“Sort of. Thanks for being there Loo Kee,” Catra answered, not sure when or where she would be able to have a sip of cold, refreshing water sliding down her throat – the only way she was happy to be around the clear liquid.

The brunette gave a look around them, noticing they were laying down in fresh grass, surrounded by trees and a river nearby. The Whispering Woods looked peaceful, cradled in the golden light of the sun rising in front of the two companions. The sky was beautiful, a blending of pink, orange, blue, and gold slowly absorbing the moonlight and the stars above in a warm embrace.

Catra felt her heart tighten in her chest, reminiscing about all these walks at dawn, watching the sun rise with Adora in the Fright Zone. Truth to be told, she was never of an early bird, and Adora was never up late at night, but Catra deemed these five minutes of peace worth the headache that always followed after.

She remembered all these times she was told she was found in a carton box, a weird mask as the only item linking her to her past, that her parents didn’t want her. Being told she was just an embarrassment for everyone, including the people who shared her blood with her. She was just a disposable Horde scum among others.

The brunette was conflicted – on the one hand, she’d always felt rejected. By her family, by the Horde, by Shadow Weaver… And on the other hand, she usually turned down the acceptance of her peers. Of Adora, of the princesses… Never in her lifetime Catra imagined she would be fighting side by side with a princess… Let alone be _one of them_.

To be honest, Catra was lost.

Not just in time and space – she was getting used to it – but mentally speaking. She was always conditioned to be a Horde soldier, following and (dis)respecting the orders of her hierarchy, fight and take what she thought was useful to her. But all these new parameters, betraying the Horde, staying with Adora and her friends, no longer fighting a war she’d assimilated to a normal life… What was she supposed to do now? What did people do when they were not competing or bragging about being the best shot of the squadron, or the strongest at wrestling? Or the meanest in town?

Catra contemplated the tree leaves in front of her. A light breeze made the branches sing a peaceful song. Everything seemed so calm to Catra, it was almost overwhelming. Of course she loved it, she could relax a little and process what’s going on. The whole… She didn’t even know how to qualify it. It all seemed so strange. And _hell, why did everything have to be so weird with the princesses?_

There was something nice about finally being over that fight, Catra knew how to survive. But she never learned how to actually live. So far it was just getting through the day, take a nap, and hopefully make it to another one.

Catra wondered how could everything be so peaceful around her, what was the next move, the next bad news and if all these thoughts would ever stop one day. She sighed, and hugged herself, tail wrapped around her ankle.

“Are you okay?” Loo Kee asked.

“I… Don’t know. Everything’s so confusing,” she started.

“What is?”

“You ever feel like you don’t belong anywhere? Etheria… This world is too beautiful for someone like me. I just ruin everything.”

Loo Kee sat up and raised his hand, trying to say something that wouldn’t make the wild cat run away.

“Catra… You know, Kon Seals believe we’re all here for a reason. We’ve just witnessed a lot to process for you, but it’s all gonna be okay.”

She scoffed, tightening her grip around herself. “Is it, though?”

“I know it sounds hard to realize it now, but you’re not alone. And yes, maybe things sound messed up now but if Razz isn’t there it’s because she knows you’ll make it by yourself,” Loo Kee encouraged her.

For once, Catra didn’t have a sassy reply.

She believed her silence said enough.

Maybe at some point, in Catra’s life, things would be okay. But not knowing where she was headed, or what dangers she would have to face again, that was the hard part. All she knew, right there and then, was that she only felt safe with Adora. With the tall blonde by her side, the magicat felt relaxed, happier than usual. She wanted to make jokes and destroy furniture just to see the eyes of their owner widen in two angry orbs and start running – usually faster than her victim.

The brunette wanted that back. The laughs, the safety of Adora’s muscular arms around her, getting drunk on Adora’s scent and purr in the crook of the blonde’s neck. Hearing Melog’s purr not so far, and all the chaos that would follow right after. Sparkles and Arrow Boy following in for a hug, and the other princesses joining uninvited – but not unwelcome. Catra had no idea how to live after a war, but neither did Adora when Catra had asked her about it.

  
Maybe this was the next step. Her next battle would be learning how to live a normal life. Or a princess life, literally and figuratively speaking. With Adora by her side, the woman she loved, her former enemy, her best friend. Her everything.

The magicat was terrified just thinking about the responsibilities she would have to handle, the countless obstacles her life would put in her tracks, not mentioning the dangers of some situations – the crushing void of space, the lack of magic, the whole quest waiting for the Best Friend Squad to start in a few weeks. And it was overwhelming, Catra thought, because she’d rather fight in a war she knew everything about than travel in space, possibly be killed by an ally of Horde Prime, or meet someone even worse.

What was she supposed to do now?

“Catra, did you hear that?” Loo Kee asked, pulling Catra away from her thoughts.

She hummed, not aware of anything. Catra tilted her ears, focusing on the slightest weird element around them.

It was barely noticeable. Catra brushed past the gentle breeze caressing the tree branches of the Whispering Woods, went over the gentle kiss of the sun on her skin.

_How could have I missed this?!_

Catra stood up from the grass, and looked at her companion, the blue-haired chipmunk ready to run if he had to. She nodded in a silent agreement, as ready as her body allowed her to be.

Both of them looked at each other, and started to head towards the breach in that perfect vision of the woods. With all the dancing lights in the air and the impression of calm, the portrait was too perfect to be real. So perfect, actually, that it reminded Catra of that day she pulled the switch and opened a portal, signaling Etheria’s position to Prime.

The breach in itself? Oh, it couldn’t be easier to notice, once you paid attention to the details. In the perfect Etherian sky, as the vibrant blue began to reign above them, a shadow drew itself and started to flap its wings. Apart from that bird, no other animal was present in the scene, just the flora being brushed by the elements around them.

_This_ was the anomaly.

The lack of animals, except for that one.

And it was getting closer and closer.

Catra looked up, trying to see how close the anomaly was.

What she didn’t expect, though, was the twinge of pain in the face, her jaw suddenly cracking, the familiar taste of iron as fresh blood started flowing from her mouth.

Catra fell, stunned by the hit she’d just taken from behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no, who could that be? 👀


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More! Angst!

_From the lightning in the sky_

_As it passed me flying by,_

_From the thunder and the storm,_

_And the cloud that took the form – 6/8_

“Come on, seriously?! Why is everyone hitting me today?!” Catra grunted, holding her cheek. She spat blood on the floor, frowning at the figure in front of her.

“Your Majesty!” Loo Kee fell on his knees, “I can’t believe you can see us.”

Queen Angella made herself bigger by spreading her wings in front of them, trying to make them forget about the hand she was shaking, having probably just hit the brunette in front of her a little too hard. She wasn’t quite like before, somehow thinner, more angular, and looked older. Catra wasn’t sure if it was because of the dark circles the queen had, or because the state of survival makes you look old. The tall woman tightened her grip around a carved staff, ready to fight Catra. Her pink and purple hair was tied in a messy bun, the royal clothes roughly patched with a different cloth – _and_ _didn’t she have a cape before?_ – her calloused feet bare, no jewels or crown but her staff was embellished by a shiny, white pearl-drop earring in the middle. “What are _you_ doing here?” she demanded. If gazes could kill, Catra wouldn’t be there anymore.

“It’s a long story. I’m on Adora’s side now.”

Angella squinted her eyes, suspicious.

“Your Majesty, if I may,” Loo Kee started, “Catra says the truth. She’s doing her hardest to redeem herself.”

“And who are you?” Angella mandated.

“My name is Loo Kee, I am Madame Razz’s friend, and she asked me to help Catra redeem herself. I came here to help her fix the space-time continuum she disrupted months ago, creating this alternate reality after pulling the portal’s switch. We’re here to help you and bring you back to the Bright Moon you come from.”

_So that was why the whole thing happened_ , Catra realized. _Of course, it had to be_ _about saving the queen_ _,_ and it had to hurt her in the process, showing her things she’d rather forget. Who actually cared about her happiness? She was just a punching ball for the princesses… and the queen. Not a living being with feelings – just something to punch at.

“Look, I get it. I messed up. Big time. I’m sorry I hurt you in the process,” Catra mumbled, scratching her forearm maniacally.

Maybe she actually deserved it. Maybe the pain she inflicted would have to come back to her somehow. It didn’t mean she wanted to be hurt by everyone in the process.

She was already doing that well by herself, after all.

“ _You_ ,” Angella pointed a finger at the magicat, who stopped scratching her forearm when her skin broke. “You pulled me away from my daughter, from my kingdom and from the Rebellion! You cannot switch sides and pretend nothing happened.”

Catra felt the anger rise from the bottom of her spine, but didn’t ruffle her mane. She held herself tighter instead, avoiding the queen’s gaze. “I never did! I made mistakes, and I’ll pay for them!”

She wanted to. She had to make it up to Adora. To Sparkles, too… To everyone.

“How do I know you’re here to save me? Horde soldiers are all the same. Always ready to betray you” Angella said.

“Yet, you’ve accepted Adora in your ranks,” Catra retorted. “You don’t know if you can trust me.”

“Indeed.” the angel crossed her arms. “Why do you look so different compared to the usual?” she asked.

“Ugh… It’s a long story.”

“No,” Catra heard the weird accent retort. _Almost prissy_ , she noticed. “I saw you a minute ago, and you looked so different.”

Anger, uneasiness, and wonder all left Catra to give room to apprehension. Loo Kee asked the queen for a description of Catra’s face, and the companions saw their fears become true.

A distorted face, long hair, a part of Catra’s body consumed by darkness, crooked voice instead of her usual one. Force Captain’s pin on the belt, red tank top, a darker shade of red tights. Long hair, and a mask – her mom’s mask – framing the face of her doppelganger.

This was bad news.

“Your Majesty,” Loo Kee pleaded, “This wasn’t Catra. This was the space-time anomaly we need to fix to come back to our world!”

Catra observed the scene in front of her. The queen, completely lost – what do you mean an anomaly, how long has it been since the portal, is Glimmer okay, how is the Rebellion handling the Horde – tried her best to get it. Loo Kee trying to explain her – this is awkward, I believe you should ask Queen Glimmer about that, everyone will be thrilled to see you’re back your majesty – with more or less success.

The magicat couldn’t pay less attention. She was scanning their surroundings, ready to fight her twin. At any cost, if she had to.

She just wanted to end this.

“Guys…We can chit-chat all we want later. Let’s go home first.” Catra said. “How do I fix this?”

“Razz told me you have to find the cause of your pain,” Loo Kee answered. _The what…?_ “What started it all.”

The magicat pinched the bridge of her nose. Not only did it have to be weird with the princesses, but it also had to be all mysterious and _annoying_.

She tried to think things through. The princesses… They started annoying Catra since the Horde. Especially since they’d pulled Adora away from her. _The Whispering Woods? We’re already there so that’s probably not it…_ Wait.

“So…How did you get here, stuck between dimensions?” Catra asked Angella.

“I pulled She-Ra’s sword. Adora told me it would fix things,” the tall woman answered, frowning.

“Sounds like you wanna say more when I see your face, ma’am”

Angella sighed. “It was supposed to fix things, and I was willing to take responsibility and sacrifice myself for the Rebellion… But it’s so unfair, for Adora, for the other girls...”

“And for yourself, too,” Catra added.

The magicat tried to pat the angel’s shoulder, but she was too damn tall, and Catra would have to climb a tree to reach her. She was _so not doing it now_ , so the magicat offered her a pat on the forearm and an encouraging smile instead. A silent way of saying _it’s gonna be okay_. Angella raised a brow at that, clearly not used to that kind of behavior. But Catra was raised by the enemy, and Catra was decadent, and Angella might have been a queen but she had no useless title as long as she was stuck here.

“Who says it has to be my pain and not yours, Horde soldier?” Angella questioned.

“The pain comes from my own damn self. I think I’ve been hit enough, I even hit my evil twin. What else do you want?” the cat retorted with big gestures.

“Her Majesty is right, Catra. It has to be something you two have in common.”

_Of course, Loo Kee had to agree. He was all into the_ _pay-respects-to-the-_ _queen stuff._ There was a lot of things that Catra knew caused her a lot of pain. Having lost the only thing her mom gave her, having found her just to lose her again, all these betrayals against the people she used to be with, Entrapta, Scorpia, Glimmer even… _Adora_. The cat bit her lip, uncomfortable at the thought.

Adora had broken her heart. When the blonde left, she pulled away the only stable thing in Catra’s life. All of that for a couple of hours outside, a party, normal food and a stupid, shiny – _oh._ “The sword,” Catra realized. “It’s the sword.”

It was the sword that caused all the pain everyone had to go through. Adora becoming the tall knight in shiny armor, who abandoned Catra to the Horde’s will and having to handle its abuses more often than usual – and more violent too. Take the hit because Adora had left, having to endure the way it pissed off their “mother” if Shadow Weaver could have been called that. It was also because of the sword that Catra’s squadron – Adora, Lonnie, Kyle, Rogelio, and herself – had been thrown into war before they were ready. It was because of the sword Angella had to be stuck here. It was because of the sword Horde Prime came over and tried to erase their existence. The sword was a play of power, a promise of pain coming along with the sharp blade.

“The sword caused it. Both our problems right now.” Catra finally said, sinking the truth in. “It started it all. We have to find it, and we’re gonna end it.”

“We?” the angel asked.

Catra smirked, tail in the air swinging slowly. “Unless you wanna stay stuck there! It’s your call, after all.”

The former queen frowned. “Again, how do I know I can trust you?”

The magicat scoffed. “Wow, you and Sparkles really _are_ the same. That’s the thing. You don’t. But we can help each other here. It’s worth a try.”

“I don’t have much of a choice, it seems.”

Loo Kee didn’t say anything, but the beaming smile on his face said it all. The queen didn’t seem convinced but seemed determined to get out of here. And so was Catra. “So, where’s that sword?” she finally asked.

“Hold on, soldier” Angella simply said.

The last thing she knew, Catra noticed the slender pink arms around her before her feet left the floor, trees getting smaller and smaller.  
  


Catra was pretty sure she left her stomach on the floor, the same _awful_ sensation as when Sparkles teleported her without a warning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep being hyped by the positive feedback on this story! Thank you all! <3


	10. Chapter 10

_(When the rest of Heaven was blue) – 7/8_

Flying was more or less like teleporting for Catra. It just wasn’t for her. The feeling of her feet on the ground was reassuring – being so high in the sky had her body all stiffened and she did her best not to claw the former queen holding her. She wasn’t sure about her fate if Angella _literally_ let her down. She’d already been through that once, she didn’t want to fall another time.

The flap of Angella’s wings was the only sound between them, as Loo Kee was still on the ground – patiently _waiting for them s_ _afe and sound_ _,_ _that coward_. The Whispering Woods soon became a dot, and the wind-swept sound of rocks rattling against each other became the only spinning evidence of a bizarre reality. The sky darkened as the two women got closer to the sword, the blade being the only source of light as they got closer and closer. The cold was almost unbearable – Catra was grateful for her fur protecting her from its bite, and wondered how Angella didn’t have chattering teeth by now – and the sky’s dryness tingled the magicat’s nostrils as well.

As they flew higher, Angella tightened her grip around Catra’s body, as if the queen was starting to struggle with the smaller woman’s weight. At the thought, the brunette tried her hardest not to pin the angel’s skin with her claws – just to be sure she wouldn’t fall.

“Are you struggling now?! For real?!”

“We are almost there, soldier. Get ready, this will hurt.” Angella grunted, brushing away Catra’s remarks.

The flash of blinding light reminded Catra of those dark and stormy nights back in the Fright Zone, where all she wanted to do was hide under her blanket, safely in Adora’s arms. Past the flash in front of them, the two former enemies caught sight of the sword’s proximity. The magicat looked at the purple eyes above her – meeting only a worried gaze.

Catra gulped. Confronting her fears and past was a thing. Fighting against herself too. She could even get used to being bounced back and forth between several dimensions after all this time. Fighting the unknown was another one. Even more when said unknown was related to First One’s tech, which Catra despised.

“Grab the sword!” Angella yelled.

_Here goes nothing_ , Catra kept to herself.

The magicat grabbed She-Ra’s sword handle, expecting that it would burn her hands or something like that. But this never happened – a jolt of electricity ran through her body, echoed by Angella’s instead. Their body went out of control, completely at the sword’s command. The brunette felt like her body was stuck in Angella’s arms. It didn’t hurt, neither did it feel good. Catra was busy feeling her jaw clenching at the power their body had to channel when she heard a _pull it_ , obeyed the command, and pulled the sword away from its place, extinguishing any source of light instantly.

Suddenly, another blinding flash appeared, followed by a loud boom and Catra knew what would follow – another dimension.

-

Both women fell on the floor out of nowhere, She-Ra’s sword in Catra’s hand. Angella graciously landed on her feet, Catra not so much. She rubbed her butt cheek as she stood up, scanning their surroundings.

It felt strange for Catra – it wasn’t a vision from her mind this time. Instead, the angel and the magicat were in Bright Moon, and were observing the royal family as it used to be in the past. Angella was carrying a baby girl with sparkles in her eyes, fond of the tiny creature, while King Micah surrounded the women of his life in a protective embrace. It was funny, Catra thought. She’d always been taught that princesses were evil, that they were the bad ones, the dangerous ones. But seeing that picture of the Horde’s enemy…

Catra’s heart missed a beat, drowning her in sadness and – somehow – jealousy. She’d wanted that so bad for herself.

It wasn’t fair.

The tears falling on her arms weren’t the ones she expected. They were Angella’s. The cat’s ears twitched in her direction, silently asking if everything was okay.

The queen of Bright Moon wiped her tears with the back of her hand. “I miss them so much.”

“I miss them too…” _Wait did I say that out loud?_ The cat crossed her arms, visibly annoyed. “…Don’t tell them I said that when you’re back.”

Angella blinked, tilting her head back with a slight frown, lost in her thoughts. “Excuse me… Them?”

“…Yeah?”

“But… Micah is dead.”

Catra couldn’t repress a scoff. “After all these times he tried to kill me, I’m pretty sure he’s alive and will be for a _very_ long time.”

Catra’s retort was greeted with a slight smile. Angella kept looking at the scene, the bright blue sky covering them in a warm, protective kiss. The Moonstone vibrated, chanting a lullaby to the newborn and the young parents.

Catra wondered how it felt to have a family. To share those little moments with the one person she loved deeply. The squeeze on her good shoulder pulled the magicat away from her thoughts – and she noticed she was hugging herself again.

The Rebellion was supposed to be full of bad people, and instead, all Catra met was genuine feelings towards each other and attempts at being nice without a plan to manipulate the other. And it scared her almost as much as the Horde trained her and all the others like animals, fighting for power and extra food so their stomachs would finally shut up after a hard day of training.

_Opening up isn’t a weakness I guess… Ugh, Perfuma really brainwashed me with that one._ Catra let a breathe or two pass before she managed to mumble a “Sparkles is lucky to have you both.”

Only a gentle smile acknowledged what she’d just said. Angella’s thoughts were racing, Catra could see it on her face. “Is he… Really alive?”

“As alive as can be.”

“And Glimmer…?”

“She gets along with him just fine. She misses you a lot.” Catra paused, careful to give enough time for the former queen to let all these news sink in. “How about we go home and you find out? Then you can go back to hating me if you want, that’s fair enough.”

The taller woman brushed away the last remark, too busy to watch every single detail of the vision of the loves of her life in front of them. It truly was a beautiful day, one of those warm enough for Catra to spend the afternoon lying under down and feel her fur kissed by the sun, surrounded by her friends – And Adora.

The sun kissing her fur was a thing, Adora kissing it was another. The feeling of her soft lips on Catra’s skin sent shivers down her spine. Not in a lustful way – they both weren’t ready – but the magicat was actually craving Adora’s touch. She wanted to dive into the deep blue of her lover’s eyes, share kisses and confessions, be surrounded by the blonde’s arms. Spend hours tangled to each other in their bed, forgetting about their lives for a few hours. Catra looked at the sword, puzzled. This giant toothpick did start it all, for the worse… But also for the better.

Where would they be now, if none of them had defected? Would they be ruling over Etheria? What could’ve been?

The brunette wasn’t sure she wanted to know.

Her grasp tightened around She-Ra’s sword handle, she didn’t want to let go of the only thing linking her to the woman she loved.

“Catra… We’re losing them.” Angella pointed a finger at the blurry vision, playing on repeat. The royal family would hug each other, talk about the nice weather, baby Sparkles would start crying, and it would start again like a broken record. The more it played, the worse the quality of the vision became.

There was something there.

This vision had to mean something.

Maybe… Maybe… Catra had to try something. The magicat offered the weapon to the angel, unsure of what they’d do afterwards.

“Okay… Hum… Take the sword. Since it started the whole series of events.” Angella took the blade in her hands, suspiciously waiting for the next step. “Maybe you should ask yourself what the sword gave you, as a positive thing.”

“What do you mean, soldier?”

“I mean…” Catra sighed, shoulders dropping. “…I had everything I wanted in the Horde. We were controlling almost all of Etheria, I had power and influence… And that was the worst moment of my life. The loneliest. I – I tried so hard… All of that for what?” _A lifetime_ _worth_ _of therapy?_ “It wasn’t even worth all the pain I’ve caused. That was so selfish and I’m – I’m sorry for all that.” The cat fell on her knees, the emotions and terrible memories overwhelming her. “But as awful as this was, I had to get to my lowest point and receive a slap or two from the right people to get back to my senses. Glimmer actually helped me with that – she yelled at me to _do something nice in my life for once_ , and for the first time I listened to someone. This never would’ve happened without the sword.” Catra took a break, not sure if the tears would follow or not. “Maybe this sword started it all in a negative way, but without all this darkness I wouldn’t see the light now. I wouldn’t be as happy to help Sparkles and the Rebellion rebuild its cities, or to be with Adora. I miss her… I – I miss them. I want to go home.” Another pause. “And I need your help, please.”

Of course, Catra could handle herself. She could get away from any situation, whether physical or mental. But she’d realized lately that she didn’t _have_ to be alone. That a few people were worth her trust, that she could actually ask for help. It would cost her less energy, less time, and it would be more fun.

She could use some of that easiness once in a while.

And that included working with the princess she used to hate the most.

Herself.

To accept her feelings. Her own fears, her struggles. To embrace them, and trust other people. People that included a woman with wings bigger than her feline body, able to kill her if the queen wanted to, in possession of a sword.

And to be honest, Catra thought this would definitely be easier to be taken out. She just wished she could’ve seen Adora, one last time.

She closed her eyes, ready for whatever punishment she deserved after all.

But the yelling, or the flap of wings, or the sword slicing her never came.

Instead, she felt a gentle hand squeeze her shoulder – not her own this time. Catra blinked, it was another dimension. The magicat expected pretty much everything given what happened until then, but this alternate universe definitely was a surprise.

It was a comforting world of blue – a _paradise_ blue. The vision was one of Catra and Adora in Bright Moon. They looked older, but still good and looked sharp. There was an obvious bond between them – and given how the older version of herself looked, dressed in black, red, and white with golden details, Catra determined she and Adora were married in this dimension. The woman she loved looked as good as ever, the sunlight shining in her blonde locks, making the ocean blue of her eyes even deeper. The married couple was laying down in Adora’s room, cuddling and surrounded by Melog’s body. The alien cat was purring loudly, and the older Catra echoed their purr, kissing her wife.

What followed could’ve hit Catra as hard as when she hit the floor back in Horde Prime’s ship. And it crushed her too – but in a good way this time.

A third, faint, serene purr hidden between the two wives.

Their _kitten_.

Their beautiful kitten, with their mama’s ocean blue eyes and Catra’s very expressive ears. The baby’s fur looked lighter, like the perfect blend between Catra and Adora’s skins. Their child was smiling, purring along with their mom and Melog.

Catra didn’t realize that vision had made her cry.

Maybe she didn’t grow up with family, but she could still make her own.

“That’s a beautiful sight,” Angella started. “You really do care about her.”

“I love her… She feels like home. We’ve been apart from each other for so long, and I kept running away… I’ve seen the world and I’ve seen space, I’ve traveled through time and dimensions and now all I want to do is go back home.”

Angella looked lost in her thoughts again. She took the time to analyze the situation and probably think about other things, but Catra didn’t care. Her whole body was screaming to hold the kitten in her arms, protect them and cherish them. She wanted to teach them how to hunt and how to retract their claws, and how to make breakfast for Adora. She wanted to hold them in her arms and never let them go. She wanted to purr against the little one and kiss their forehead goodnight, every night.

“The sword did create a lot of negativity for Etheria… But I see it also helped you get closer to the person you love. I can relate to this – I am thankful to have had a better relationship with Glimmer after all. The sword brought Adora in our lives in a way we never expected it to, and for that – I’m grateful.” Angella smiled, watching the scene with Catra.

Maybe heaven was a peaceful place made of gold and blue and not so lonely, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...Getting close to the end of this story, but not yet. :) 
> 
> This chapter is the reason why I wanted to write a multi-chapter fic, I wanted Catra to explore her feelings a little more and to feel the love she deserves under many forms... I hope you liked this chapter, thanks for reading so far!


	11. Chapter 11

_Of a demon in my view. – 8/8_

Hands slowly clapped between the two women. Catra _knew_ who it was by the light footsteps, as silent as possible. It was the glitched version of herself, smirking at the vision of a family with Adora.

“How emotional,” it started. “It almost made me tear up with joy at the sight of a bright future you don’t deserve.”

The glitch took pleasure in rolling the word “almost” on her tongue, emphasizing its apathy towards these acts of love. The idiocy of it all. The _vanity_.

Angella stared at the glitch, quickly gazing back to Catra. She finally understood that there were two versions of the same soldier in front of her – one more venomous than the other. The grip on She-Ra’s sword tightened, whitening the queen’s knuckles. She drew the blade in direction of the glitch, wings opened, ready to fight once again. The small brunette hissed at her evil self, ready to fight.

The glitch defiantly smirked at Catra, who stared at the unusual black eye of her doppelganger. The supposedly blue eye was consumed by the void – and by madness. Grief, almost, it seemed. The short-haired cat growled back, ready to fight and finally end this.

After all that happened, she just wanted to take a nap in her lover’s arms, she _fucking_ deserved it.

Both versions of Catra hissed and growled at each other, furs bushy and tails fluffed out. Catra’s tail twitched quickly back and forth, ears down, calculating the perfect moment to strike her enemy. The two magicats glared at each other, ready to dodge at any moment, growling louder and louder, threatening without words.

Suddenly, Catra fell on all fours and started running at the glitch, jumping at her prey.

It went too fast for Angella – between the tufts of fur flying around the cats, she noticed Catra grabbing her broken image, planting her teeth in its shoulder, the doppelganger countering with piercing kicks in Catra’s legs. Their bodies danced in an aggressive motion, growls grew louder and louder until Catra kicked her double a few feet away.

The two cats stared at each other, panting, Catra frowning, her double smirking. It was all so fast – Angella barely had time to blink that the cats had started to hiss and growl at each other, shoulders stiffened with the adrenaline flowing through their veins.

The glitch slow motioned towards Catra, not blinking at all – defiantly, taunting Adora’s lover. The angel hesitantly looked around, Catra’s dream fading away for a darker place. All the blue that linked the dreamy visions became a deep purple, sending them between dimensions again. It seemed funny to the queen of Bright Moon – she hadn’t seen this sort of surroundings since she stayed behind Adora to save the Rebellion from the portal.

A yell pulled her gaze away from the purple to focus on the red – the good Catra’s red, the blood pouring out of her brow bone in pulsating flows.

The glitch laughed maniacally at that, licking the blood of its victim. “Ah, it tastes like victory, don’t you think?”

Catra didn’t answer, holding her face, blue eye crying by reflex. Angella couldn’t handle it anymore. She rushed in direction of the glitch, sword drawn, putting all her energy into hitting the part-void animal in front of her. The angel grunted every time she missed – her target was too fast and the sword too heavy.

Again, Angella lifted the sword and tried to hit. But the sword got stuck on the rocky ground under them – _how did everything change so fast?_ – and the blade didn’t budge, no matter how hard the winged woman tried to pull it away.

Catra didn’t know if she’d lose her eye or not, but she had lost full sight from both her eyes at the moment. She’d push her worries to later, she had to stop her double. Angella’s scream echoed – _Not good_.

The glitch had tried to claw the queen’s face, who was quick enough to put a protective arm in front of her. But in the process, her forearm had been cut deeply by the killing machine in front of them. Catra staggered as fast as she could and pulled away the creature attacking Angella – the maniac blocking the attack and pushing Catra to the ground, where she fell less than graciously, letting out a huff as her body hit the floor.

It gave enough time for the queen to remove the sword from where it was stuck, and Angella rushed to attack the corrupted magicat – missing again, the angel having slipped on the floor. She was getting tired, out of stamina, and the glitch had noticed. It was laughing, mismatched eyes shining with pure madness.

She wouldn’t be able to handle the fight for too long, and they both knew it.

But it didn’t stop the proud queen – if she had to die, she wouldn’t give up this time.

With an unnatural strength beyond her understanding, the glitch jumped at Angella. She tightened her grip around the sword in a defensive stance, ready to meet her end.

“Not… today!” Catra yelled as she jumped to protect Angella from her double. The two feline bodies collided, the glitch only growing stronger and stronger. Catra hit the floor once again, her corrupted twin falling on her on purpose.

The weight of its body cut Catra’s breath for a second – stunning her for a second. She could feel the cut on her brow flowing with a fresh stream of blood and her vision darkening – but she’ll pass out later. The brunette blinked – Angella and the sword had disappeared.

The purple surroundings had left as well. There was no ground anymore, yet Catra stood up on her feet.

She was surrounded by the void.

***  
  
A magical thunder struck Razz’s house, previously announced by a blinding flash. The unexpected sound woke Adora up in sudden fright – _What the fuck was that?!_

Razz didn’t bother looking at the source, she only smiled. “Our guests have arrived Mara dearie! Get ze water Clawdeen! Swift Wind, make sure there’s enough clutter on the floor!”

Adora would recognize this breach anywhere – she’d seen so often. A portal was opening up in front of her – again. “For the honor of Grayskull!” the blonde yelled, turning into She-Ra at a fast pace. All she saw was a skinny, familiar face falling at her feet. “…Angella?” She-Ra fell on her knees, catching the former queen of Bright Moon, Melog sniffing her with insistence, their ears flicking forward. “Your Majesty… I can’t believe it… How…? You’re bleeding!”

Angella hugged Adora in a tight embrace. “Barely a scratch. Catra… She protected me trying to stop the darkness.”

“What does it mean…? She’s not with you? Where is she? Where were you?!”

“Adora let her breathe!” Swift Wind shouted in concern. “Do you need anything?” he asked the angel.

“I just want to go home,” she said, her trembling voice betraying how emotional she felt. “am I really home?”

“Ze anomaly will be fixed soon! You can rest now, dearie.” Razz answered affectionately. She snapped her fingers, pulling a basket from nowhere, filled it with supplies, food and drinks. She handed the wicker basket to Angella, eyed She-Ra’s steed in a way he couldn’t do anything else but get closer, scared of the old lady somehow. “Swift Wind, get Her Majesty to ze castle. She-Ra and Clawdeen can wait here. And I’ll take a nap.”

The group parted ways – Swift Wind bringing the leader of the Rebellion back to Bright Moon’s castle, Adora and Melog waited in Razz’s hut, and the wacky old lady had disappeared again, probably on her way to take a nap.

“So what’s now?” the blonde woman asked the space cat rubbing their head against her, purring calmly.

***  
  
 _It only gets stronger with rage…_ Catra told herself. She was always a quick thinker and a good strategist, maybe it could get her out of trouble once again. _I’m surrounded by the void…_

“You don’t seem so talkative anymore,” the glitch taunted. “Cat got your tongue?” it smirked, mismatched eyes crossing Catra’s.

“Come on. This is low, even for you.” the brunette answered. The break was welcome after such a violent fight, she noticed.

“You know nothing’s too low for me,” the corrupted double scoffed.

“So… What’s next? You kill me? Take over the world? What’s the plan?” Catra asked.

The glitch cleaned her claws, removing the bloodstains. “I destroy you. You disappear. You don’t have to figure out the rest. You know, dead and all that.”

“I thought I was a good speaker… I gotta do better it seems.” The corrupted cat laughed – genuinely this time. “At least I’m funny.”

“Yeah, yeah. Any last words?”

Catra looked at her part-void version. It looked as sharp as ever, as if nothing had happened. No signs of claws having broken its skin, even if Catra could still taste its blood on her tongue. _Keep it talking. Think fast._ “Actually… Yeah. What would you do to Adora if she was here?” It seemed to hit a nerve, as the doppelganger hissed. It took a second to try to find a threat – but the tired brunette spoke first. “I’d kiss her forehead, and tell her I love her.”

“You’re so stupid,” the double retorted with acid in its speech.

This is when something clicked in Catra’s mind – _that’s the key._

The magicat relaxed and smiled, relieved. “You think nobody loves you, right?”

“Don’t pretend that you care.”

“Actually I do,” she reached a hand towards the corrupted cat’s shoulder. “I care about you.”

Love was the void’s weakness. The light feeling it brought, the sense of relief. It was already weaker – and seemed to be narrowing in front of Catra. Almost… making it younger.

“I was lonely for so long… And I thought taking control would make it easier. I took control of the Horde. Almost helped the big bad guy destroy the galaxy. That never made me happy.”

“You don’t deserve to be!” A preteen corrupted Catra shouted. “You’re useless!”

“I have to keep trying… For the person I fell in love with. She never hated us, you know.” The wounded magicat smiled at the glitch. “She sees things in us that made her fall in love, too.”

“Liar!” A seven-year-old glitch yelled, hitting Catra – it barely hurt.

“Adora can’t lie to save her life, so it has to be true. And guess what?”

“What?” kid Catra frowned.

“I care enough about you to apologize. I hurt you because of all the bad decisions I’ve taken and I’m so, so sorry I did,” the magicat started gently, staring at the young glitch on the verge of tears. “I know sorry doesn’t fix things. But I’d like to try and do better, starting with you… Can I hug you?”

The glitch suspiciously frowned at Catra.

“Shadow Weaver is gone,” seemed to slightly relax the little one. “The Horde is gone. Adora is still your friend, and you’ll make more friends who care about you. Your mom loved you, and she saved you.”

“And we’ll never be alone,” Catra continued. “You have me, and I have you.”

Both magicats were crying by now. Catra couldn’t believe that in so little time with the Rebellion she’d grown so soft.

In the most terrible, in the best of ways.

“I really could use a hug now, you know,” Catra told the child in front of her. “Please?”

The part-void stared at Catra, looking at her from head to toe, locking their gaze. The older woman blinked slowly at the little girl. The young magicat slowly blinked in return, and hugged Catra.

It was a long hug – Catra holding the child version of herself in a protective embrace. _I’ve got you_ , she promised silently. _You never have to be alone again._

_Things will be okay._

_You will be okay._

Catra gently tightened her maternal embrace around her younger self.

And closed her eyes as both magicats were cradled by a soft, warm light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a bitch to write, I hope it was clear for y'all lmao 
> 
> This poem in eight parts was "Alone" by Edgar Allan Poe!


	12. Chapter 12

_love will come_

_and when love comes_

_love will hold you_

_love will call your name_

_and you will melt_

_sometimes though_

_love will hurt you but_

_love will never mean to_

_love will play no games_

_cause love knows life_

_has been hard enough already_

\- Rupi Kaur

“What was that?!” Glimmer shouted at the sight of a sudden flash in the middle of the Whispering Woods, pulling away from Bow’s arms.

Everything was so sudden. Another flash occurred seconds later, Bow followed Glimmer and grabbed his weapons, the distress beacon was activated in Bright Moon – the remnants of the war still fresh in everyone’s minds. The soldiers were already on duty, ready to fight, evacuating the people surrounding the castle to safety, waiting for the queen’s orders.

The tension could have been cut with a knife. Glimmer went to teleport in each of the princesses’ realms, telling them to get ready to fight again. To expect an army – to possibly expect Prime’s reprisals.

Seeing her mom on Swift Wind’s back flying back to the castle an hour later was _not_ what she had in mind. The new queen of Bright Moon fell on her knees at the sight of the former regent. Micah rushed at his daughter’s side, trying to help her, when he caught sight of his wife.

After all this time… It all felt like a dream. Was it real? Was Angella really back or was this another trick? She looked so different…

There was only one way to know – Micah stood up with a blend of fear and anticipation.

***  
  
“So what’s now?” Adora asked the space cat rubbing their head against her, purring calmly.

Melog meowled and moved up before Adora did. The peaceful hut lost in the Whispering Woods started to illuminate the trees nearby, the white brightness imposing itself as a new source of light – again. For a few seconds, Adora thought it would be another portal with another problem to handle – until she recognized the familiar face of said problem.

In front of her stood a very tired Catra, somehow shaken by the portal she just went through, but maybe it was because she had a bad night, Adora wasn’t sure. All of her body screamed to hold the cat, squeeze her into a silent embrace that meant _I missed you_ , kiss the woman in front of her, ask her if she’s okay, and why is she hurt.

But her head was screaming _you left me_ , _I thought I’d lost you again_. So the blonde stood there, unable to move, unable to speak. Just watching the light around the woman she’d always loved fade slowly as seconds passed.

Catra sighed, watching her surroundings, eyes locked in Adora’s gaze. She seemed disoriented, as if doubting what was real and what wasn’t.

The silence was broken by Melog’s happy mewl, rushing in Catra’s arms. She embraced them, losing balance and falling on the floor. Both were purring, greeting each other in a way that didn’t need words.

Adora crossed her arms patiently as the two companions communicated with each other – until Catra crossed the blonde’s gaze. The brunette seemed lost in her ocean eyes for a second, before she ritually said “Hey, Adora.”

“Hey, Catra,” she replied with a genuine smile. _I missed you so much._ “So...” _Where were you, my love?_ “Care to explain?”

“That’s kind of a long story, and I’m really tired. Can I tell you on the way home?”

_She said home… It’s the first time she does – but focus Adora._ “You better. What happened?”

The taller woman offered her hand to Catra, like they’d done so many times back in the Horde as teammates. But today, they were more than that, more than friends – but not quite yet girlfriends. They’d wait to both be ready for this. Adora was – but as neither of them was expressing their feelings unless it was a life-or-death matter, she didn’t know about the brunette in front of her.

Both girls walked at a tranquil pace back to Bright Moon – it would probably take the whole day to return there on foot.

And so Catra told Adora everything – the dimensions, fighting herself, hugging herself, how she got her scars, the mysterious Loo Kee, and wondering if he was still hiding somewhere. If She-Ra’s host was telling her thoughts out loud, she would tell the magicat none of this makes sense. But what did, since it all started? They’d figure it out together.

_Together_ , Adora thought, grabbing Catra’s hand and intertwining their fingers as they walked.

After some time being silent, Catra stopped, watching one of the many lakes of the woods. She analyzed their surroundings and gasped.

“Everything okay? Do you need a break babe?”

The familiar heterochromatic eyes stared at the ocean’s, and the smaller woman smiled. “I… Actually yes.” Catra started looking nervous – and Adora raised a brow. “I’ve seen this place before, we were having a date here. Stargazing, drinking booze and everything.” Adora’s lover crossed her arms, hugging herself, ears low. Melog purred as to reassure her – and Catra nodded in their direction. “I loved having a date there –” she started, blushing more and more. “And I’d like to have many others with you. Adora, I love you… I’d like to be your girlfriend when you’re ready. I know we still have a long way to go but –” But Adora stopped the talking with a soft kiss on her lover’s lips, pulling her gently against her. It was a gentle embrace, one that didn’t need words to express how much the two women cared about each other.

“Yes. Yes, I’ll be your girlfriend. Starting from now, if you want to. But I’m still mad at you for leaving in the middle of the night.”

“Fair enough… I’m sorry I did,” Catra said with a sheepish smile.

“Next time just tell me you need time alone and when you plan to come back, okay?”

“…Okay. Yes, I will.”

Adora smiled, even if her girlfriend seemed ashamed. “Thank you,” the blonde started, smirking. “… _Princess_.”

Catra snapped out of her negative thoughts and scoffed. “ _That_ was low.”

Adora kissed her girlfriend’s cheek, and they both enjoyed the break with such a beautiful sight, the calm lake reflecting the magic essence flying around them.

The rest of the trip to Bright Moon went smoothly, the trio walking peacefully back home.

***

When Catra and Adora finally made it to Bright Moon, they were greeted by a crowd of people, trying to touch and hug the pairing. Adora was obviously used to it in the way she dealt with the hand-holding, the baby-kissing, the kid hugging. Catra? Not so much. She was a frightful warrior of the Horde, a proud woman who stood up against the figures of tyranny, a fighter against – and afterward in the name of – She-Ra… She was to be feared. She didn’t shine as much as Adora did. She dodged the drooling baby attacks, pretended to cough to avoid the people invading her intimate space. But the blonde girl encouraged her to accept the adoration they were both receiving. The first kid Catra tried to hug ended up vomiting on her pants, which resulted in Adora snort-laughing at the scene.

Maybe it was worth it – not the throwing up part – to stand by her girlfriend’s side. Maybe she would never completely shine on her own, but Catra didn’t mind that much anymore. Melog happily followed the couple, tail high in the air, just happy to be there.

After finally making their way to the castle, finally away from the people’s hugs, Catra thought she could use the intimate space to get closer to Adora, to hold her hand. But she miscalculated and was swarmed by another round of unexpected hugs and babbles.

It was Glimmer hugging her, half-crying, thanking her for bringing her mom back.

It was Bow, telling the magicat he was happy to see her again, and that he was worried, putting his hand on her shoulder.

It was Micah standing back, nodding his approval, a happy tear rolling down his tired face.

It was Angella with a pinker color on her face, mumbling an exhausted ‘thank you, soldier.’

It was a purring Melog, with a ‘told you’ on their smug face.

  
There were many moments the brunette thought they would be better off without her. Many issues they still all had to handle together. There was still a space trip to organize, and now there was an underground realm to find. There were still many doubts and uncertainty: how would the citizens of Etheria react given her dark past, could they forgive her so easily?

“– And when mom was back I couldn’t believe it! Thank you so much Horde scum!”

“That’s my girl! Of course she could do it,”

“Best Friend Squad!”

There were so many questions Catra had and so little time.

Catra wasn’t sure where to start, how she could handle it.

“Thank you again, soldier. May I call you Catra?”

“Thank you Catra. I’m so grateful you brought Angella back.”

But she knew she wasn’t alone. She knew she could count on her friends, on her girlfriend too.

She knew she could count on the messy blue-haired squirrel she'd just spotted hiding in a corner of the throne room.

Catra smiled, surrounded by the people she cared about. After all these adventures, after telling everyone what’d happened with Angella’s help, she just wanted to rest.

She leaned against her girlfriend, holding her hand and resting her head in the crook of the blonde’s neck, closing her eyes and purring happily.

The rest of the reunion was a little blurry – Catra was half-asleep. She found herself carried bridal style by familiar muscular arms, lifted as easily as a cup of coffee in the morning. The magicat snuggled up to her girlfriend’s chest, inhaling the sweet mix of honey and freshly cut grass. The comforting scent of home.

Careful arms lay the magicat down the bed, took care of removing her dirty clothes to comfortable ones, cleaned her wounds, and kissed her forehead. In her sleepy state, Catra could hear the soft melody of the water running down Adora’s body as she showered, and minutes later the soft rustle of pajamas thrusting on her pale skin, and finally the delicate rustle of the covers moving above Adora’s body.

Catra blinked slowly, half-asleep, locking her blue and yellow eyes and ocean ones, looking at the blonde who stole her heart with reverence. Both girls blushed slightly – this form of intimacy was so new to them. But Catra could get used to it. She wouldn’t mind coming back home everyday to this lopsided smile in front of her, the one that screamed those three little words that Adora couldn’t mumble easily.

“I love you,” Catra hummed.

“I love you too. You mean so much to me, Catra.”

“Can you kiss me goodnight then?”

Adora laughed, looking at her girlfriend’s lips. “Of course, princess.”

Before Catra could protest, Adora brushed her lips against Catra’s, taking her sweet time to make the smaller woman blush before kissing her goodnight.

They were both aware they were just at the beginning of their lives, and that anything – good or bad – could happen, but they had each other to face the end of the world as one.

Catra liked the ring of it, as _one_.

She responded to Adora’s kiss tenderly, getting drunk on their tongues brushing and dancing together. Finally, Catra gently planted a kiss on her girlfriend’s cheek, smiling, and nuzzled her nose on Adora’s chest, purring themselves to sleep.

It felt so good to be home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap on this story! What did you think of it? Would you be interested in a sequel? 
> 
> Thank you all for the comments, they really mean the world to me :) <3


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